1. Posted: September 21, 2020In:

    An immortal alien race must come out of hiding on earth and reunite, when an ancient enemy threatens humanity.

    Richiev Singularity

    This is an interesting situation. But in a story (And Logline) There is a lead character who has a goal. The inciting incident is pretty clear. The arrival of the ancient enemy. And I assume the goal would be something along the lines of defeating the enemy. (The lead character must -do this thing-Read more

    This is an interesting situation.

    But in a story (And Logline) There is a lead character who has a goal.
    The inciting incident is pretty clear. The arrival of the ancient enemy.

    And I assume the goal would be something along the lines of defeating the enemy. (The lead character must -do this thing- if the enemy is to be defeated)

    As a result, the best way to improve the logline would be to add a lead character. Perhaps one of the immortal aliens, perhaps a human. Maybe they have to team up to convince humanity of the danger?

    So anyway, I like the idea. But it needs a lead.

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  2. Posted: September 23, 2013In:

    A troubled high school guy's view of the preacher's daughter is changed drastically when he finds she has little time to live.

    TomKealy Penpusher

    This logline has a clear charachter and event, but I feel it's lacking a concrete action that the charachter would perform over the course of the film (and thus, and clear end for the movie). How would we know his view of her has changed?

    This logline has a clear charachter and event, but I feel it’s lacking a concrete action that the charachter would perform over the course of the film (and thus, and clear end for the movie). How would we know his view of her has changed?

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  3. Posted: February 21, 2014In:

    A self-made millionaire uses his ill-gotten fortune to win back his long lost love who has married into ‘old money’ and respectability.

    fredsoffa Penpusher

    and then? this is awesome, just it's half the logline. Don't give away the ending, but you have to describe at least some conflict. Otherwise, so what, he has ill-begotten gains, but his new old beau is a swindler too, and they have a great time? It's not just a hook, it telling what happens enoughRead more

    and then? this is awesome, just it’s half the logline. Don’t give away the ending, but you have to describe at least some conflict. Otherwise, so what, he has ill-begotten gains, but his new old beau is a swindler too, and they have a great time?

    It’s not just a hook, it telling what happens enough so someone wants to read the script. Needs more in there

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