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A naïve lawyer loses everything when he is targeted by an unscrupulous gang. He commits himself to infiltrating the group that wronged him to exact his revenge.
He's going to infiltrate a gang -- and no one is going to notice or suspect the outsider, the strange new face? Or recognize his appearance and voice? Aren't gangs tightly knit social units where new comers can only gain access by being vouched for someone who is already a bona fide insider? Also, tRead more
He’s going to infiltrate a gang — and no one is going to notice or suspect the outsider, the strange new face? Or recognize his appearance and voice?
Aren’t gangs tightly knit social units where new comers can only gain access by being vouched for someone who is already a bona fide insider?
Also, the logline lacks a clear statement of his game plan. “Exact his revenge” is vague, a generality. Loglines need to be clear and specific as to the plot, the action line of the story. *Exactly* how does he intend to take his revenge?
See lessA lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.
A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, You should switch this around: "When a corrupt official (Does this thing) a renegade pigeon must..." (Then tell us what he must do)
A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official,
You should switch this around:
“When a corrupt official (Does this thing) a renegade pigeon must…” (Then tell us what he must do)
See lessAfter bring left for dead, an immortal fighter comes out of retirement starts a underground fighting promotion and goes after those who killed him with his fists.
As written the protagonist sounds like the bad guy. You might need to explain why even though he is immortal, he goes after unsuspecting women. Shouldn't he go after those who left him for dead instead?
As written the protagonist sounds like the bad guy.
You might need to explain why even though he is immortal, he goes after unsuspecting women. Shouldn’t he go after those who left him for dead instead?
See less