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  1. Posted: February 3, 2019In: Action

    A man, noted as the young president of America, kills himself off to go undercover to stop who is trying to ruin his plans for rebuilding America when he finds the death of his VP’s death a hard one to execute and even harder to explain.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on February 4, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    A man, noted as the young president of America, kills himself off to go undercover to stop who is trying to ruin his plans for rebuilding America when he finds the death of his VP?s death a hard one to execute and even harder to explain.1: Is he the president or is he just noted as the president.2:Read more

    A man, noted as the young president of America, kills himself off to go undercover to stop who is trying to ruin his plans for rebuilding America when he finds the death of his VP?s death a hard one to execute and even harder to explain.

    1: Is he the president or is he just noted as the president.
    2: Does he kill himself? (As your logline says) Or does he fake his death? (And if he does kill himself, how does he go undercover if he is dead?)
    3: You talk about the death of the VP but now say the VP is alive. This is confusing.
    4: If the death of the VP is not the inciting incident, then what is?

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  2. Posted: February 1, 2019In: Action

    When his brother returns after 12 years with the mob on his trail, a shrewd farmer must find a way to take them all out first, whatever the cost.

    jacksparrow Logliner
    Added an answer on February 2, 2019 at 7:38 am

    I don't find this logline interesting except the fact that the protagonist is a?farmer. That too if he somehow uses his farming skills to take out the mob, it will be relevant. Or the idea is to show that he's a simple?man? The premise sounds routine.

    I don’t find this logline interesting except the fact that the protagonist is a?farmer. That too if he somehow uses his farming skills to take out the mob, it will be relevant. Or the idea is to show that he’s a simple?man? The premise sounds routine.

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  3. Posted: January 29, 2019In: Action

    When prediction software found on the dark net determines he will die unless he kills a person he doesn?t know, a reclusive software scavenger must find the programme?s designer to alter his fate, but questions if his actions are leading him to his demise or his salvation.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on January 29, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    I would potentially leave out "but questions if his actions are leading him to his demise or his salvation". This is a character considering their path inside their head. It's not visually interesting for the audience. Instead, can you represent these questions in his quest? Why is a reclusive softwRead more

    I would potentially leave out “but questions if his actions are leading him to his demise or his salvation”. This is a character considering their path inside their head. It’s not visually interesting for the audience. Instead, can you represent these questions in his quest?

    Why is a reclusive software scavenger going to believe this game? what happens to him that makes him buy into it?

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