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A group of assassins from around the world race against time in NYC to get to the prize that has the key to stopping bombs that are about to kill them.
Your logline is a bit difficult to read/ understand at first. You should re-write it. Use the formula: When [a major event happens], [the hero], must [do the main action]. Ex.: When a group of assassins finds out they have bombs placed inside their bodies they will race against time to discover theRead more
Your logline is a bit difficult to read/ understand at first. You should re-write it. Use the formula: When [a major event happens], [the hero], must [do the main action].
Ex.: When a group of assassins finds out they have bombs placed inside their bodies they will race against time to discover the key that prevents them from exploding…
See lessAn up and coming hacker uncovers a plot that will plunge the world into financial ruin, and must decide whether to stop it or save the girl he loves.
Why must the most important ingredient, Why must he choose?between saving the girl or saving the world? How do those two elements connect?
Why must the most important ingredient, Why must he choose?between saving the girl or saving the world?
See lessHow do those two elements connect?
After being sent to the future during a battle, the two warriors fight to finish what they started.
I agree with the others, your story has no anchor.1: We don't know the timeframe the warriors are fighting at the beginning of the story and so we don't know what the future is to them.2: We don't know what the warriors are fighting for, so there are no stakes.3: Because you said, two warriors, instRead more
I agree with the others, your story has no anchor.
1: We don’t know the timeframe the warriors are fighting at the beginning of the story and so we don’t know what the future is to them.
2: We don’t know what the warriors are fighting for, so there are no stakes.
3: Because you said, two warriors, instead of making one the lead character and the other the antagonist. We don’t know who the lead character is.
However
The good news is: This is an easy fix.
For instance, if this takes place during the crusades and one character is a Christian Templar and another being a Muslim Warrior. Now we know the who and the when.
If you tell us they are fighting over a sacred relic, tell us what that relic is. Now we know why they are fighting.
Now they are in the future, which is our timeline, the relic is in the Vatican, The Muslim warrior wants to steal it, and the Templar vows to stop him. Now we know what they are fighting for.
Your idea is different of course but the principle will be the same.
1: Tell us specifically who they are, because simply saying two warriors is vague
2: Tell us specifically what they are fighting for. A county? And object? A religion?
3: Tell us the stakes, what bad thing will happen if the bad guy wins.
4: Tell us what future they arrive in. Modern times, The near future? 2050? The year 3,000?
So an easy fix, good luck with this.