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When a captured demon finally finds a way to get rid of, a magician and a ex nun have to risk their lives in order to save the kingdom from a vengeful demon.
Good advice, moviefreak. Thieves can do things out of character, sure, but don't promote an out-of-character thief in your log. It jumps out at you. Is this a medieval set? Hard to get around the comma placement in the first line. May want to examine that usage. Otherwise, you have some decent elemeRead more
Good advice, moviefreak.
Thieves can do things out of character, sure, but don’t promote an out-of-character thief in your log. It jumps out at you.
Is this a medieval set? Hard to get around the comma placement in the first line. May want to examine that usage.
Otherwise, you have some decent elements already. Play around with this from different perspectives.
See lessDenied life insurance benefits after her partner dies, an unemployed chef must unravel a diabolical link between the insurance company, a genetic testing company, and a popular internet search engine before she and her unborn child become their next victims.
Okay, so this doesn't read as good as it could, and there's a lot of elements being juggled, but... I'll admit I came here to read everyone's comments because the story intrigued me. Seems like a facinating story. Good luck with it.
Okay, so this doesn’t read as good as it could, and there’s a lot of elements being juggled, but…
I’ll admit I came here to read everyone’s comments because the story intrigued me. Seems like a facinating story. Good luck with it.
See lessA young aid worker tormented by his dreams learns humanity has been manipulated for aeons. Only by accepting the past does he have a chance to save the future, humanity and the people he loves.
"Accepting the past" is the action your lead character must take in order to achiever the goal of saving humanity. This action does not seem like it would be exciting or compelling to watch on screen and probably will not hook the reader. You might want to give your logline a more compelling actionRead more
“Accepting the past” is the action your lead character must take in order to achiever the goal of saving humanity.
This action does not seem like it would be exciting or compelling to watch on screen and probably will not hook the reader.
You might want to give your logline a more compelling action that the character ‘must take’. in order to make the logline more exciting.
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