1. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    An outcast mother of four in an elite society learns that her husband?s vacation to Barcelona is more like a sabbatical from his family. With all four kids suspended from school and are in therapy, she struggles to gain respect in a judgmental society as well as be a good mother.  

    Richiev Singularity

    Unless Barcelona is important to the story, you can skip that detail in the logline. Also, you say the lead character is an outcast, but you haven't told us from where she has been cast out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "When her husband takesRead more

    Unless Barcelona is important to the story, you can skip that detail in the logline.

    Also, you say the lead character is an outcast, but you haven’t told us from where she has been cast out.

    ————————————————————————————

    “When her husband takes a sabbatical from the family, a small-town woman, new to high society, must help her and her savant children navigate, and adjust to their new community.”

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: January 25, 2020In:

    A girls seeks plastic surgery to ‘glow up’ over summer break, only to corrupt herself and the world around her.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Agree with dpg. Specificity is often the key to a good logline. Having a very clear understanding of the plot (at least until the midpoint or end of act II) is essential. Since the message here is going to be about vanity I imagine, it's worth telling us specifically what is corrupted and then whatRead more

    Agree with dpg.

    Specificity is often the key to a good logline. Having a very clear understanding of the plot (at least until the midpoint or end of act II) is essential. Since the message here is going to be about vanity I imagine, it’s worth telling us specifically what is corrupted and then what she plans to do about it. This is potentially just the inciting incident. The corruption appears as she walks back into school first day back, and that’s the perfect Act I break. Entering the upside-down world. ?But what happens next?

    Interesting though. Stick with it! I love a good high school coming of age film and this, as dpg has said, is certainly a topical subject.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: December 30, 2019In:

    When a young high-school aged minority attends a nationwide diversity conference, he must learn to confront the racist incidents from his past in order to come to terms what life is like as a minority in this country and his own place in it.      

    dpg Singularity

    Racial discrimination is a vexing social problem, but this logline seems to take a shotgun approach in attacking it. A logline for a movie plot should be a rifle, aiming one bullet (dramatic action) at a specific target, the bulls eye of one objective goal.? What one, specific action toward one specRead more

    Racial discrimination is a vexing social problem, but this logline seems to take a shotgun approach in attacking it. A logline for a movie plot should be a rifle, aiming one bullet (dramatic action) at a specific target, the bulls eye of one objective goal.? What one, specific action toward one specific goal does the young man take to deal with one specific problem, here and NOW, in the PRESENT TENSE of the story world?

    See less
    • 0