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A grieving mothers accidental killing of a crime boss collides with her estranged fathers underworld debts, reunited they must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence.
"grieving mother" = protagonist "accidental killing of a crime boss" = inciting incident "must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence" = main character goal If this were my logline, I'd ask myself, Why set the scene with a grieving mother? A way to establish strongRead more
“grieving mother” = protagonist
“accidental killing of a crime boss” = inciting incident
“must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence” = main character goal
If this were my logline, I’d ask myself, Why set the scene with a grieving mother? A way to establish strong audience pity, perhaps, but what is she grieving over? As reader, the only clue is maybe she is grieving over her estranged father’s underworld debts, but then, maybe not!
The main villain in this story is the ‘Police’. A villain can be just as important as the hero in a story, so who is this police person? Male/female, old/young? Consider a little character depth to the bad guy, and see what happens!
Take for example the film The Fugitive (1993). Here we have an innocent character, who accidently enters a murder scene of his wife, only to become the lead suspect of a thrilling police chase. Clearly the police are the ‘bad guys’, because they are mistaken about our poor Fugitive and the crime. But Tommy Lee Jones plays such a good ‘bad guy’, that we sit seat edged, wanting to know who will win.
Crime boss, accidental killing, estranged fathers, and underworld debts, may all be too many ingredients. That might simply be replaced by just one good, ‘bad guy’.
See less“A charismatic juvenile delinquent life is cut short as he outwits an entire state Police force in a desperate bid to stay alive and captures the hearts of a nation.”
"In 1959, after escaping prison, a charismatic prisoner captures the heart of the Australian people when he attempts to outwit the entire state police force in his efforts to get away." ----- A lot of things happen both before this event and after, however, for the purpose of the logline, the lead cRead more
“In 1959, after escaping prison, a charismatic prisoner captures the heart of the Australian people when he attempts to outwit the entire state police force in his efforts to get away.”
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A lot of things happen both before this event and after, however, for the purpose of the logline, the lead characters’ escape, and the notoriety he received seems to be the heart of the story.
Hope this helped
See lessA grieving mother’s reunion with her family turns into a terrifying escape when her father’s debt launches a police hunt and she must run for the crimes she has committed.
This sounds promising, but also unintentionally narrow. If I weren't to assume anything else about this story, I could tell it in about five pages: A woman is upset about something (that will be addressed later – carefully, to avoid blatant exposition), and turns to her family for comfort. Her fatheRead more
This sounds promising, but also unintentionally narrow. If I weren’t to assume anything else about this story, I could tell it in about five pages: A woman is upset about something (that will be addressed later – carefully, to avoid blatant exposition), and turns to her family for comfort. Her father’s financial and legal issues (coincidentally) collide with her own when the police come to issue a warrant, and recognize her as the person of interest in another case. Panicked, she resists arrest (could be a fun “fight” scene), and either flees, is captured and arrested, or tragically killed in the scuffle.
Is this the entire story, or just up to the inciting incident?
Whether a short or a feature, what is her ultimate goal, and how is she meant to achieve it?
I hope to read your next logline draft.
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