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(REVISION #5) England 1963. When a na?ve teenager launches a singing career with her sister, she is overwhelmed by the seductive excesses of the Rock?n Roll lifestyle. She falls in love, loses her virginity, finds out her boyfriend is married, gets drunk, has revenge sex, ends up pregnant and has to make a difficult decision that will change her life forever.
As in your previous loglines, most of what you have here is setting. Only at the end do we find an inciting incident that might drive the rest of the story. In other words, what happens after the singer becomes pregnant? Note, however, you should not end a logline with a decision, rather tell us whaRead more
As in your previous loglines, most of what you have here is setting. Only at the end do we find an inciting incident that might drive the rest of the story. In other words, what happens after the singer becomes pregnant? Note, however, you should not end a logline with a decision, rather tell us what decision the MC made and what comes next.
Here are a couple of examples of where you should aim:
When a rowdy singer in a rock band becomes pregnant, she must learn to keep her mother role separate from the bad-girl role she projects on stage.
After the lead singer in a 1960’s band succumbs to pressure from the other band members to have an illegal abortion, she is left a cripple and must learn to sing from a wheel chair.
See lessWhen her mother is convicted as a paedophile, a 16-year-old girl struggles with therapy, high-school, and an overnight change in how she is seen by society as she seeks to be legally emancipated.
?An interesting premise, but... mess it up, really mess it up.? Go deeper.Have her mother make a "Mrs. Robinson" move on her boyfriend (or at least the boy she has a crush on.)And her mother is not only arrested but also pregnant.? The minor whom she seduced is the father.fwiw
?An interesting premise, but… mess it up, really mess it up.? Go deeper.
Have her mother make a “Mrs. Robinson” move on her boyfriend (or at least the boy she has a crush on.)
And her mother is not only arrested but also pregnant.? The minor whom she seduced is the father.
fwiw
See less(Revision #4) England 1963. When two teenage sisters, sibling rivals, secure a recording contract that launches their singing career, they soon discover that the Rock?n Roll lifestyle is full of seductive excesses that may destroy their dream of fame and fortune.
I think as it's written now, the fact that they're "sibling rivals" doesn't have to be in the logline.? It's also ambiguous about whether they secure a recording contract as a duet, or if they both happen to get recording contracts at the same time.? I'm assuming duet.? I think the logline should foRead more
I think as it’s written now, the fact that they’re “sibling rivals” doesn’t have to be in the logline.? It’s also ambiguous about whether they secure a recording contract as a duet, or if they both happen to get recording contracts at the same time.? I’m assuming duet.? I think the logline should focus on the rivalry, and that would probably let it more clearly describe a story.
If I were to watch a movie with the logline you wrote, I’d expect it to be pretty close to one of those movies where the band gets a recording contract, then falls apart because the lead singer starts partying too much.? The singer says, “I don’t need you guys!? I’m going off on my own!” and then eventually comes crawling back, asking for forgiveness.? I think if it’s about just two people, and they’re rivals before they even got a contract, that would be something more interesting.? If the logline convinced me that the fact that they were sibling rivals would make a difference in the story, I’d probably want to watch it.
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