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A group of young soldiers finds themselves in a world of doing the worst crimes of mankind.
For one part, the logline feels incomplete because lacks the consequences or at least the stakes. For another part, it has redaction problems. "In a world of" is doesn't makes sense and it doesn't add information. And finally, the protagonists need a strong adjetive that gives them character. Ex. ReRead more
For one part, the logline feels incomplete because lacks the consequences or at least the stakes.
For another part, it has redaction problems. “In a world of” is doesn’t makes sense and it doesn’t add information.
And finally, the protagonists need a strong adjetive that gives them character. Ex. Rebels, lunatics, religious, etc.
Examples to correct the prompt would be:
A group of young soldiers finds themselves in a violent war in the gaza strip doing the worst crimes to mankind in order to defend the honor of their nation.
or
A group of religious young soldiers finds themselves doing the worst war crimes questioning if they are really the good ones despite following their God’s commands.
Overall, you need to give more information about the character, the type of conflict, what is a stake, the possible consequences and the reasons behind their actions.
See less“A heartbroken kitten learns about survival, love, loss and forgiveness during his relentless journey to find a new home after being abandoned one cold December morning.”
"When he is abandoned, a heartbroken kitten must find the purrfect home all while trying to survive the freezing New England winger."
“When he is abandoned, a heartbroken kitten must find the purrfect home all while trying to survive the freezing New England winger.”
See lessA young woman struggles to cope with life in America after being orphaned by parents immigrated from war torn Lebanon.
This is a little confusing. Can I suggest... When a young Lebanese immigrant is orphaned, she struggles with her new life in America. - or - When a young orphan flees war-torn Lebanon, she struggles with her new life in America. I also recommend including with the specifics of her struggle. For examRead more
This is a little confusing.
Can I suggest…
When a young Lebanese immigrant is orphaned, she struggles with her new life in America.
– or –
When a young orphan flees war-torn Lebanon, she struggles with her new life in America.
I also recommend including with the specifics of her struggle. For example, is she struggling the feelings of isolation? Is she struggling to find a long lost relative?
See less