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In a male-dominated town, a frustrated editor attends to self-help groups for men, not to seek help but to prepare himself against them.
This logline isn't very specific or personal. To improve the logline you should show how the death of the gay dancer (From the previous logline) personally affects the lead character. Also, you should put a face to the bad guy. ----- "When his best friend, a gay dancer, is killed by the town bully aRead more
This logline isn’t very specific or personal.
To improve the logline you should show how the death of the gay dancer (From the previous logline) personally affects the lead character.
Also, you should put a face to the bad guy.
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“When his best friend, a gay dancer, is killed by the town bully and his pack, a frustrated editor attends a men’s retreat in order to get close to those responsible and get his revenge.”
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Overall, I think this is a solid premise. Perhaps the ‘self-help group for men,’ could be one of those, rediscover your manhood conferences, where the men all camp in the woods for a week in order to get back to the ‘Caveman within’.
The lead character would then knock the bad guys off one by one.
See lessOr if this is a non-violent movie, He finds his ‘caveman within’ only to (Discover ‘this’ about himself)
In a male-dominated town, a frustrated editor secretly attends self-help groups for men to prepare himself against them after the death of a gay dancer.
I prefer this version as it attempts to answer why he attends the self-help groups. Although you could have posted the second version as a comment here đ. Thinking out loud⌠âIn a male-dominated townâ can be replaced with e.g., âSet in an 80âs good old boy town, âŚâ. âa frustrated editorâ suggestionRead more
I prefer this version as it attempts to answer why he attends the self-help groups. Although you could have posted the second version as a comment here đ.
Thinking out loudâŚ
âIn a male-dominated townâ can be replaced with e.g., âSet in an 80âs good old boy town, âŚâ.
âa frustrated editorâ suggestion âa closeted editorâ.
âsecretly attends self-help groups for menâ coming from a small town myself, a single town folk will make it their business to know everyone elseâs. In saying this, Iâm not sure how secretive your protag actions can be especially in a group setting.
âto prepare himself against themâ is a poignant statement â very powerful!
âafter the death of a gay dancerâ without your synopsis, this will appear to come from left field to the reader â suggest a logline rearrangement.
Example: Wordy, hope you get the idea.
âSet in an 80âs good old boy town with no justice for the recent death of a gay dancer, a closeted editor attends men’s self-help groups to prepare for the intolerance of his coming out declarationâ
Hope you find this constructive; this is a solid premise.
See lessTake care.
Before setting out to bring his estranged daughter back, an embattled doctor questions ethical behavior and makes a fateful decision to cheat the organ sharing waitlist.
I did not read the additional text as the logline should stand alone. Where does the embattled doctor bring his daughter back from? Whose ethical behaviour is the doctor questioning? Who is the doctor cheating the organ sharing (sic) waitlist for? How is bringing his daughter back linked to cheatingRead more
I did not read the additional text as the logline should stand alone.
Where does the embattled doctor bring his daughter back from? Whose ethical behaviour is the doctor questioning? Who is the doctor cheating the organ sharing (sic) waitlist for? How is bringing his daughter back linked to cheating the waitlist?
There is no cause and effect in this logline. There should be an event and as a result, action is taken. Questioning ethics is not an event.
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