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When a 21-year-old delves into the world of mathematics, he uncovers a profound cosmic connection that resonates throughout the universe. However, his life takes an unexpected turn when he encounters an actress chosen by a wealthy entrepreneur to replace his own missing daughter, who happens to be the young man’s lost love.
You have two inciting incidents... that is one inciting incident too many. When a 21-year-old delves into the world of mathematics, he uncovers a profound cosmic connection that resonates throughout the universe. (There is no conflict) When a 21-year-old encounters an actress chosen by a wealthy entRead more
You have two inciting incidents… that is one inciting incident too many.
When a 21-year-old delves into the world of mathematics, he uncovers a profound cosmic connection that resonates throughout the universe. (There is no conflict)
When a 21-year-old encounters an actress chosen by a wealthy entrepreneur to replace his missing daughter, who happens to be the young man’s lost love, he must… (Then tell us what he must do)
I would choose one of these stories to concentrate on for the logline. That doesn’t mean both stories won’t be in the finished script, it just means for the logline you should tell the ‘main’ story.
See lessWhen a Desert Merchant is tricked by the God of water and is detained to the Gods realm he must escape by using his charm and ability to sell.
Why have they been captured, and what must they do to escape. I feel you need to expand upon the action and event to create a fuller logline
Why have they been captured, and what must they do to escape. I feel you need to expand upon the action and event to create a fuller logline
See lessWhile working at a junkyard he finds an old radio which can help him hear to whoever he wants from President of US to his cheating girlfriend anyone.
This is an interesting premise, but could use some work as a logline. There is some emotion within the conflict this character could have with the world around him, yet there seems to be no clear antagonist to the film currently. A logline with an antagonist and stakes could look like this: "A JunkyRead more
This is an interesting premise, but could use some work as a logline. There is some emotion within the conflict this character could have with the world around him, yet there seems to be no clear antagonist to the film currently. A logline with an antagonist and stakes could look like this:
See less“A Junkyard worker in a dying relationship finds a radio that allows him to listen to whoever he wants, even his unfaithful girlfriend.”
This is a rough draft for a logline, but your premise is exceptionally fascinating with practically limitless possibilities for conflict. Hope my encouragement for a clear antagonist and stakes doesn’t come across rude or harshly.