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  1. Posted: May 7, 2016In: Fantasy

    Heracles is wrongfully accused of murdering his family, he sets off to find the true killer, a goddess.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 7, 2016 at 4:44 am

    First of all, the logline ?reveals the solution to the whodunit, which a logline should never do. ? Unless that discovery is the inciting incident ?for a whole different story than identifying the murderer. ?Is it? ? If not, then there goes the mystery and suspense: the guilty one is the goddess ofRead more

    First of all, the logline ?reveals the solution to the whodunit, which a logline should never do. ? Unless that discovery is the inciting incident ?for a whole different story than identifying the murderer. ?Is it? ? If not, then there goes the mystery and suspense: the guilty one is the goddess of women marriage, by which I presume you are referring to the Greek goddess, Hera.

    What is the story really about? ?What does demigod seek? ?What is his/her objective goal? ?It seems to be to win exoneration from being the presumed murderer. ?

    What are the stakes? ?What does the demigod stand to suffer or lose by?not winning exoneration? ?I dunno.

    Whatever the stakes are, ?”justice” in terms of punishing Hera ican’t be one of them. ?Because the lady’s?got status and connections. She’s married to the boss of bosses, Greek God Numero Uno, Zeus. ?She’s exempt for the laws that apply to mere demigods and mortals. ?She’s untouchable. ?Those are the rules on Mt. Olympus and a demigod has neither the rank nor the power to do anything about it.

    ?The story in this logline wouldn’t be an Olympian scandal in the sense of being the 1st time Hera has cursed or killed someone. ?She was ?a very jealous wife and always got revenge on those female demigods and mortals who dallied with her chronically unfaithful husband. ?Cursed and killed with impunity.

    You can fudge on some of the rules because, after all, this is a fantasy. ?But generally you have to work within ?the rules of the source material, Greek mythology. If ?the story is going to bulldoze over the rules, ?it needs a very good dramatic reason for doing so.

    So what is the plot? ?What is the point of the story?

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  2. Posted: April 30, 2016In: Fantasy

    After witnessing a god rape her sister, a naive nymph seeks revenge, risking her life in the process.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on May 1, 2016 at 11:24 am

    I want to echo what dpg said. The lead character who seeks revenge should be the victim. ?Sort of, "I spit on your grave" Meets "God of war" (The video game)

    I want to echo what dpg said. The lead character who seeks revenge should be the victim. ?Sort of, “I spit on your grave” Meets “God of war” (The video game)

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  3. Posted: May 1, 2016In: Fantasy

    In a small town, an embittered young male struggles with the beliefs of a little girl who thinks the old man in a Santa suit is Santa while he robs a bank on Christmas Eve.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 1, 2016 at 7:42 am

    But it will be compared to "Bad Santa".Who is the main character? ?The young man or the old man? ?Or are they accomplices?And why would there be a struggle over beliefs in the mind of the young man? ?Why would he care what she believes? Doesn't he have more urgent matters -- the heist -- on his mindRead more

    But it will be compared to “Bad Santa”.

    Who is the main character? ?The young man or the old man? ?Or are they accomplices?

    And why would there be a struggle over beliefs in the mind of the young man? ?Why would he care what she believes? Doesn’t he have more urgent matters — the heist — on his mind?

    ?What is the young girl doing outside after dark? ?Why isn’t she home with her family on the most family-oriented night of the year?

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