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While shooting their first music video, a local metal band on the rise quickly realizes that the urban legend surrounding their filming location is true: When people enter, they don?t exit.
Too long with too much information, yet also not enough detail. Wo don't need to know it's their first video and they're on the rise, but we do need to know what the location is and why it turned out to be a bad idea. Rephrase it without the punctuation and just tell us what it's about: a band shootRead more
Too long with too much information, yet also not enough detail. Wo don’t need to know it’s their first video and they’re on the rise, but we do need to know what the location is and why it turned out to be a bad idea.
Rephrase it without the punctuation and just tell us what it’s about: a band shooting a video somewhere dangerous. As is we don’t really have an idea what the overall story is about; you’ve basically summed up a single moment of realization…a single moment is not an entire film. Sum up the first half of the story to the midpoint.
“A heavy metal band shooting a video at an abandoned castle must survive until morning when the location turns out to be haunted.”
Just hit us with the pertinent details — protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes — so we’ll be interested enough to read more. You can provide additional detail about the characters and location in a synopsis.
See lessWhen a cursed camera captures pictures of predestined murders, a cakera collector must unravel mysteries of the occult device to stop her husband’s gruesome fate.
It?s a very solid re-work so major kudos on that. To start, I would flip the two parts of the logline. ?Set the characters and the inciting incident at the beginning (she sees the death through the camera) and then get into the stakes/Why the action is worth writing a whole script about. I also secoRead more
It?s a very solid re-work so major kudos on that.
To start, I would flip the two parts of the logline. ?Set the characters and the inciting incident at the beginning (she sees the death through the camera) and then get into the stakes/Why the action is worth writing a whole script about.
I also second dpg, make sure you are specifc on what the camera can actually do. ?Is it a camera that causes/sets death in motion like the video in The Ring or does it predict the circumstances around death like the pictures taken in Final Destination 3?
See lessA husband begins an affair with his dream woman using lucid dreaming technology, but when this fantasy woman begins stalking his family in real life, he must protect them from a woman who shouldn?t exist.
I'm a little confused by the threat. Is the digital woman communicating with the family? Does she now have a body? The trap feels pretty central.
I’m a little confused by the threat. Is the digital woman communicating with the family? Does she now have a body? The trap feels pretty central.
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