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Trapped in a mansion filled with vampires and their human cattle, an amnesia-ridden detective must figure out how he got there, how to get out – and who to trust.
Hi Lempicka - I agree. I think with "amnesia-ridden" it's suggested he'll need to figure how he got there - so perhaps not necessarily for the logline. Trapped in a mansion filled with vampires and their human cattle, an amnesia-ridden detective must figure out how to get out ? and who to trust. I'lRead more
Hi Lempicka – I agree.
I think with “amnesia-ridden” it’s suggested he’ll need to figure how he got there – so perhaps not necessarily for the logline.
Trapped in a mansion filled with vampires and their human cattle, an amnesia-ridden detective must figure out how to get out ? and who to trust.
I’ll work on this.
See lessA distraught murder survivor sent to an experimental therapy centre to overcome her longstanding terror must escape from the therapists before they exploit her deepest fears to satisfy their cannibalistic hunger.
The phrase "A distraught murder survivor" makes little sense. A person cannot survive their own murder. Does replacing the whole first half of the sentence with "A woman suffering PTSD after an attempt on her life is sent to an experimental therapy centre, but..." help?The phrase "they exploit her dRead more
The phrase “A distraught murder survivor” makes little sense. A person cannot survive their own murder. Does replacing the whole first half of the sentence with “A woman suffering PTSD after an attempt on her life is sent to an experimental therapy centre, but…” help?
The phrase “they exploit her deepest fears to satisfy their cannibalistic hunger” is hard to interpret. Are they threatening to eat her? Or are they some kind of alien life form that thrives by draining people’s emotional energy?
Finally, it is understandable that she wants to escape, but what of the other inmates? Her goal must be either to organize a mass escape or to reach the police who will then the free the others. If she escapes by herself and walks away, the audience will hate her.
See lessChained together by backwoods cannibals, a bank robber and his hostage escape and must survive in unknown terrain – while the hostage is desperate to save her daughter, who they left with their captors.
I agree with Richiev - I think you need to choose a protagonist for us to follow - and the hostage seems like the likely choice. He/she then has has to escape the cannibals to rescue his/her daughter.
I agree with Richiev – I think you need to choose a protagonist for us to follow – and the hostage seems like the likely choice. He/she then has has to escape the cannibals to rescue his/her daughter.
See less