1. Posted: February 27, 2018In:

    After a succesful hotel owner and sunnyboy is infected by a strange virus that turns him into a killing and raping beast when he smells women who have their fertile days, he leaves his job and family and moves to a mountain cabin in order to not hurt anyone, but things get complicated when a young female student seeks shelter from a snowstorm at his cabin.

    MAlexander82 Penpusher

    I may be wrong here since I'm kind of new to this but I feel this log line is too wordy and exceeds more than 25 words as per a log line should be. I do like the premise -- I'm a suckered for any type of virus story.

    I may be wrong here since I’m kind of new to this but I feel this log line is too wordy and exceeds more than 25 words as per a log line should be.

    I do like the premise — I’m a suckered for any type of virus story.

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  2. Posted: March 17, 2019In:

    A junior level cyber crimes analyst searches for the truth behind a college student?s death and a smartphone App that supposedly takes the life of whoever agrees to its terms of service. Now she must find the tech savy killer before he strikes his next victim, her family.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Good start.Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this isRead more

    Good start.

    Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this is a slasher horror or a dark thriller.

    >> A junior level cyber crimes analyst

    This means she’s close to having all the ability to finding the perp. Instead, consider a protag who would have a harder time succeeding. If this is a slasher or otherwise for that general market, then is such a protag ideal? Usually the protag is teen to college-age because of the people who watch that kind of flick.

    When in the script do you see the protag’s family being targeted? If it’s the Midpoint or earlier, make it meatier in the logline. If it’s Act III, no need for it in the logline and it’s anyway assumed she or a loved one would end up in the crosshairs,

    Once she knows the family is targeted, wouldn’t it be easy to prevent danger by telling them not to? download or use that app? This connects to the first comment…need more for the mental picture and sharpness of the hook.

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  3. Posted: March 12, 2019In:

    A woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from them must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by which a gate to hell is opened every time he sleeps.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    >> A woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from themThis is a comeuppance story, right? Even if yes, seems the details aren't necessary and it would be simpler to call her, for example, a con artist.>> must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by whichRead more

    >> A woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from them

    This is a comeuppance story, right? Even if yes, seems the details aren’t necessary and it would be simpler to call her, for example, a con artist.

    >> must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by which a gate to hell is opened every time he sleeps.

    Intriguing setup. What is the fight…the objective and antag? Create a sense of what would happen in most of the script. Clarify if the protag’s hell problem is one night or more.

    The framing part is confusing and tips the right-wrong scale too much against her. Why isn’t this guy her newest mark?

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