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In stepping up to talk to the girl that took his breath away, a timid boy enters her world of seduction and murder and in pursuit of her he will learn the great and terrible things Man is capable of.
This is too vague: What does "...enters her world of seduction and murder..." mean? What are "...the great and terrible things Man is capable of..."? Be specific when describing your story and try to stick to logline conventions when doing so. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more infoRead more
This is too vague:
What does “…enters her world of seduction and murder…” mean?
What are “…the great and terrible things Man is capable of…”?
Be specific when describing your story and try to stick to logline conventions when doing so.
See lessCheck out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information.
Stephanie has just fallen in with the bad crowd at school. When her new slacker friends start dying in horrific ?accidents,? Stephanie is only one who thinks there is a connection. She must figure it out before it?s too late, but what if this is all for her own good?
Thanks everyone, This feedback is super helpful. I will rework it.
Thanks everyone,
See lessThis feedback is super helpful. I will rework it.
A group of Nazi solider’s try to cut off Russian forces by taking a shortcut through an abandoned mine, but something begins to hunt them through the dark tunnels.
Agreed with Mike, empathy could be a problem here... Is there one soldier in particular this story is about? Best to focus the logline on one character instead of a group of characters.
Agreed with Mike, empathy could be a problem here…
Is there one soldier in particular this story is about? Best to focus the logline on one character instead of a group of characters.
See less