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When they discover the complications of moving in with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender must decide whether polyamory is for them, or risk losing both of their loves.
Dating in New York, eh? Logline is little long. You can get ride of "When they," right off the bat. Active voice -- "Discovering the complications of living with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender..." I understand the pronoun usage, but I am curious if it will be absorbed by someone rRead more
Dating in New York, eh? Logline is little long. You can get ride of “When they,” right off the bat. Active voice — “Discovering the complications of living with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender…” I understand the pronoun usage, but I am curious if it will be absorbed by someone reading it quick or be seen as a grammatical mistake. If you choose to tinker around, you can stil effectively write this without pronoun usage.
See lessA year into sobriety, a former addict struggles with the monotony of her new life, haunted by a demon from her past, as she searches for peace and self-acceptance.
The logline itself is clunky. The 'haunted by the demon from her past' does not fit where it currently is. It needs restructuring and trimming. Perhaps something like, "Haunted by past demons, a former addict struggles with the monotony of her new life."
The logline itself is clunky. The ‘haunted by the demon from her past’ does not fit where it currently is. It needs restructuring and trimming. Perhaps something like, “Haunted by past demons, a former addict struggles with the monotony of her new life.”
See lessDemoted after a failed coup against Satan, an inept demon is sent to America to create chaos and earn back his honor, but his rival demon’s sabotaging antics turn every mission into a comedic disaster.
This premise is fun. The logline can be tightened up a little bit, but I dig it.
This premise is fun. The logline can be tightened up a little bit, but I dig it.
See less