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After the death of their father 4 children must face their abusive mother and expose her lies and abuse if they want to have a chance at a happy life.
On the surface, the logline follows a clear structure, which makes it fairly easy to read. You may find a way to avoid the repetition of abusive/abuse, and add a comma after 'father'. Because of the "and ... and", I would probably also put a comma after the second 'abuse'. That would make it a tad eRead more
On the surface, the logline follows a clear structure, which makes it fairly easy to read.
You may find a way to avoid the repetition of abusive/abuse, and add a comma after ‘father’. Because of the “and … and”, I would probably also put a comma after the second ‘abuse’. That would make it a tad easier for me.
In terms of the story, I am not gripped by it because there is no clear point of view. “4 children” is too vague, as I don’t have any particular character to engage with. At the very least, a logline needs to give us some detail about the main character, so we can get a feel for them.
Finally, “face their abusive mother and expose her lies” is not a cinematic goal. It lacks a definitive ending, so it is hard to visualise what the end of this movie could look like.
Great loglines allow us to visualise in our mind what the film would look and feel like.
I hope this all helps!
See lessSeeing his wife’s ghost each morning for breakfast a man becomes vigilante after the police decide to stop investigating her murder.
This logline needs to be shuffled around a little bit, the way it reads, it sounds like seeing his wife's ghost is the inciting incident when really it is the police stopping the investigation. So all the elements are here, but just in a slightly jumbled order. ----- After the police end the investiRead more
This logline needs to be shuffled around a little bit, the way it reads, it sounds like seeing his wife’s ghost is the inciting incident when really it is the police stopping the investigation.
So all the elements are here, but just in a slightly jumbled order.
See less—–
After the police end the investigation into his wife’s murder, a man haunted by her ghost becomes a vigilante, determined to find her killer.”
When fantasy characters invade the big city’s system, a frustrated dreamer must deal his imaginary robot girlfriend came to life, but when she remembers being someone who was kidnapped years ago by the head of organized crime, they must team up to unravel the mysteries of the other characters past lifes by using brute force and a two-faced mask to cover their insecurities.
Hi, I think you have a good start, but I think you need to keep it short. The first one is good in length but when your doing it your missing the death steaks. So for both make it clear who is the protagonist, antagonist and the death steaks. Think of it as a trailer of the movie and you need to hooRead more
Hi, I think you have a good start, but I think you need to keep it short. The first one is good in length but when your doing it your missing the death steaks. So for both make it clear who is the protagonist, antagonist and the death steaks. Think of it as a trailer of the movie and you need to hook them and keep them interested to go see it. You know why is trying to free himself , are they making him kill or steal? You know like he tries to destroy it to free himself and others before they make them kill again, ( or anyone who disagrees with them , or before they make him kill his family _) something like that.
See lessHope this helps you