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  1. Posted: September 30, 2020In: Action

    A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on September 30, 2020 at 9:47 pm

    A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, You should switch this around: "When a corrupt official (Does this thing) a renegade pigeon must..." (Then tell us what he must do)

    A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official,

    You should switch this around:

    “When a corrupt official (Does this thing) a renegade pigeon must…” (Then tell us what he must do)

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  2. Posted: September 28, 2020In: Coming of Age

    A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on September 29, 2020 at 8:31 pm

    Two issues with wording 1: "When his old friend turns out to be in dire need." Be specific. When his old friend angers the Mob. When his old friend is diagnosed with cancer when his old friend becomes addicted to hentai. What specifically is his old friend's dire need of? 2: "He must let his emotionRead more

    Two issues with wording

    1: “When his old friend turns out to be in dire need.” Be specific.
    When his old friend angers the Mob.
    When his old friend is diagnosed with cancer
    when his old friend becomes addicted to hentai.

    What specifically is his old friend’s dire need of?

    2: “He must let his emotional guard down?” So, letting his emotional guard down will solve his friend’s dire need? How does letting your emotional guard down solve someone’s specific problem?

    I owe a bookie 50k… I will solve this by letting down my emotional guard?
    I am on trial for murder… I can solve this problem by letting down my emotional guard.
    I am in dire need because I can’t read… No problem this can be solved by me letting down my emotional guard.

    What specifically must the lead do to solve his friend’s dire problem????

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  3. Posted: September 29, 2020In: Adventure

    In the middle of Nazi Germany, a shy girl and her imaginary monster try to rescue her father, who has disappeared.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on September 29, 2020 at 2:20 pm

    I think this logline is solid because any questions I might have will probably be answered during the course of the story. Character: Shy Girl Goal: Rescue/Find her father Outer Obstical: Nazi's Inner Obstacle: She's shy but must go outside Twist: There is an imaginary monster

    I think this logline is solid because any questions I might have will probably be answered during the course of the story.

    Character: Shy Girl
    Goal: Rescue/Find her father
    Outer Obstical: Nazi’s
    Inner Obstacle: She’s shy but must go outside
    Twist: There is an imaginary monster

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