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An exiled emperor joins a resistance group to find and restore the throne’s rightful heir – his long-lost son – from his tyrannical brother.
Most of the story points are here, I don't believe the logline needs any significant changes. From a story standpoint: I do wonder why the Emperor is not trying to get his throne back for himself? Instead, the lead is attempting to secure the throne for his "Long-lost son" Normally people in power dRead more
Most of the story points are here, I don’t believe the logline needs any significant changes.
From a story standpoint:
I do wonder why the Emperor is not trying to get his throne back for himself? Instead, the lead is attempting to secure the throne for his “Long-lost son”
Normally people in power do not want to give up power. Wouldn’t the exiled emperor be the rightful ruler? Why secure the throne for a person he seems to not even know?
See lessAfter an ugly break-up, a man tries to put his life together by building a new home only to find out his virtual assistent is possessed by an vengeful spirit.
Love me some horror CucuMucu, think about the following while sharpening this logline. 1. Does this breakup involve an e.g. girlfriend, or does it have more weight like an ugly divorce? The logline will serve better with a big inciting incident. If the breakup is a minor part of the plot, one that yRead more
Love me some horror CucuMucu, think about the following while sharpening this logline.
1. Does this breakup involve an e.g. girlfriend, or does it have more weight like an ugly divorce? The logline will serve better with a big inciting incident. If the breakup is a minor part of the plot, one that you move past quickly and has little or no character reoccurrence later – you could skip right to the possession as your inciting incident.
2. OPINION: It will help to call your protag an “architect” who’s building his “dream SMART home” as an anchor for the virtual assistance + “rebuilding” metaphors.
3. Now that we’re getting closer to a strong inciting incident, focus on your protag and goal, we need to work on your antagonist. Since this is not one of those old haunted house stories you need a unique method of how this vengeful spirit possesses your virtual assistant. This can get cliché quick, be careful as we (audience) has seen it all – surprise us 😊.
4. You can also add stakes or the method of how he will overcome this vengeful spirit.
If you like, please elaborate on my above comments, whom he broke up with, and this vengeful spirit so I or the community can take a crack at this – got to be a reason why this spirit is so pissed right? 😉
Hope this helps, take care
See lessAs a joke a lonely programmer creates an AI girlfriend that works with VR sunglasses, but his life becomes serious as he tries to hide his growing affection for his digital companion from his worried friends and family
Not dissimilar to 'Her'? I love that movie and think it's a subject that has enough depth for more exploration. I like the idea of him being able to see her too. What's his goal? I feel like it should start out as "to get better at talking to real women" then there's an obvious reason why he's doneRead more
Not dissimilar to ‘Her’? I love that movie and think it’s a subject that has enough depth for more exploration. I like the idea of him being able to see her too.
What’s his goal? I feel like it should start out as “to get better at talking to real women” then there’s an obvious reason why he’s done this. I think saying “as a joke” diminishes the investment for the audience a little. If he was so lonely, he created a virtual girlfriend to practice on, I feel he’d get more sympathy.
“his life become serious” – in what way?
Whilst the VR glasses are a great idea, I’m not sure they’re essential for the logline. Without the full explanation you’ve written below, it’s difficult to imagine how they work or their relationship to the MC and the VR girlfriend, so it detracts from the logline slightly.
“A lonely programmer creates an AI girlfriend to practice talking to women with, but when he falls for her and chooses her over real women, he must adjust her coding to make himself fall out of love with her.”
How’s this? I feel like the second part of Act II will be a great descent into All is Lost. Gradually adjusting the code so she treats him like the women do at the start of the film. Painful but necessary and solely under his own volition = devastating to watch.
I’ve taken out the “worried friends and family” bit. You’ve said he’s lonely, so make him lonely. It’s also got hints of ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ in – another brilliant film.
Love this idea! Hope this helps.
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