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A christian struggles with his fate when his new neighbours are satanists, this is how he discovers he is actually the devil himself. “668 the neighbour of the beast”
Your logline seems to indicate that the lead character is the neighbor of the beast. However, it also seems to read that the lead character is the devil himself. Is the lead character the beast or is his neighbor the beast? Or in this story, is the Devil and the Beast two separate characters? This sRead more
Your logline seems to indicate that the lead character is the neighbor of the beast.
However, it also seems to read that the lead character is the devil himself.
Is the lead character the beast or is his neighbor the beast?
Or in this story, is the Devil and the Beast two separate characters?
This seems a little confusing as written.
See lessWhen a village boy is given up for sacrifice to avoid a Giant and a Dragon destroying the village, he must find a way to escape before being cooked into dumplings.
Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words. So what happens to the village when this kid escapes? Is he concerned about that? Why was he chosen? We know nothing about him. Give him a single adjective toRead more
Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words.
So what happens to the village when this kid escapes? Is he concerned about that? Why was he chosen? We know nothing about him. Give him a single adjective to help define him.
Who makes the dumplings, the giant or the dragon? This sounds like it’s trying to be cute but it doesn’t make sense in context. We need to understand the basis of the story in a single sentence, without having to ask questions merely to comprehend it.
See lessA high school student becomes an unwitting pawn in a game between two teachers, and she must find a way to outwit them in order for her to get accepted to university.
What game are the teachers playing? How is it related to a student's being accepted elsewhere? How can she outwit others when she's unwitting? You're describing a conflict without actually telling us what the story is about. It has to be clear, simple, and compelling. Do it without commas to punch iRead more
What game are the teachers playing? How is it related to a student’s being accepted elsewhere? How can she outwit others when she’s unwitting?
You’re describing a conflict without actually telling us what the story is about. It has to be clear, simple, and compelling. Do it without commas to punch it up and keep it flowing forward.
See less