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When attending a brutal dance audition, a meticulous dancer must break free from conformity, unleashing her authentic individuality to claim the elusive path to success.
Good job Amy! I think all we want to know as readers is how the audition will be brutal. Like physically or mentally? I like that line "unleashing her authentic individuality," it's like showcasing a style of dance within a stylistic story. Well done!
Good job Amy! I think all we want to know as readers is how the audition will be brutal. Like physically or mentally? I like that line “unleashing her authentic individuality,” it’s like showcasing a style of dance within a stylistic story. Well done!
See lessWhen he discovers that his job is killing him, a shy kitchen hand must tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.
Revised version: When he discovers that his job is killing him, a cowardly kitchenhand must muster the courage to tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.
Revised version:
When he discovers that his job is killing him, a cowardly kitchenhand must muster the courage to tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.
See lessWhen the identity of a missing girl is reported to be the niece of the head of the CCTV department, she must review the footage to uncover the mystery behind her niece’s disappearance.
That she just must review the footage to figure out the mystery don't feel like a big enough "must". what are the stakes? what happens if she don't figure it out. if you can see it on the tapes the movie will be over very fast. just some thoughts.
That she just must review the footage to figure out the mystery don’t feel like a big enough “must”. what are the stakes? what happens if she don’t figure it out. if you can see it on the tapes the movie will be over very fast. just some thoughts.
See less