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  1. Posted: February 26, 2020In: Comedy, Examples, Romance

    A mermaid is allowed to spend six days on land with a man whom she fell in love with while saving him from drowning.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 28, 2020 at 12:12 am

    Nir Shelter:Your take touches on the reason I posted a logline for the movie.? In fact, your version was my original choice.? But I changed my mind after listening the the commentary on the 20th anniversary DVD release of the movie.? I realize that perhaps one reason it took 7 years to sell the scriRead more

    Nir Shelter:

    Your take touches on the reason I posted a logline for the movie.? In fact, your version was my original choice.? But I changed my mind after listening the the commentary on the 20th anniversary DVD release of the movie.? I realize that perhaps one reason it took 7 years to sell the script was because the Act 1 setup? was technically flawed.

    In the DVD commentary, Brian Glazer (the producer) and Ron Howard (the director) say that the original script did not have the opening scene where she rescues him when they are both kids? — the one referred to in your version.? That scene was added later after the script deal was made.? Glazer and Howard realized realized that it didn’t make sense to have the 2nd lead, the raison d’etre for the whole movie , to not appear until some 20 minutes into the movie.? She had to appear sooner.

    Further, it was necessary to sell the audience on the idea of a magical instant romantic connection? between the two.? And that required at least two story beats in the 1st Act, the 1st to establish the premise, the 2nd to reinforce it.? So they tacked on the prologue.

    The original script included a scene? where? a witch mermaid grants the mermaid a magical wish, 6 days on land.? That scene was cut from the original release. ?Glazer and Howard figured — quite correctly — that after the audience sees the Daryl Hannah character butt naked on the beach after rescuing the Tom Hanks character they won’t notice, won’t care about any plot holes.? They will willingly, gladly suspend disbelief in all the magic required to boot up the plot.

    (Also the dynamic of the romantic relationship operates on the Jungian notion of the anima archetype, the soul mate.)

    Of course, you are correct that the inciting incident should be an event that upsets the status quo, the ordinary world of the main characters.? I suggest that the 2nd meeting as adults fits that description.? Because until they meet a 2nd time, the mermaid has no opportunity to act on the feelings she had some 20 years earlier during the 1st rescue. The inciting incident is also an “opportunity knocks” moment.? And opportunity knocks for the mermaid when he finds the wallet that informs her where she lives.? Her feelings as a child have been reinforced as an adult and now she has the information she needs to act on them.

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  2. Posted: February 27, 2020In: Thriller

    A college student and his girlfriend moves to an apartment, spies on their neighbors who happens to be a serial killer only to find out one of them invades their home.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on February 27, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    If you are going to do a Rear Window type script, you need to give it a good hook

    If you are going to do a Rear Window type script, you need to give it a good hook

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  3. Posted: February 24, 2020In: Drama

    After finally arriving home after months in hospital with leukemia, a pragmatic pharmaceutical statistician struggles with ?normal? life as he builds himself back up to running 10k races again.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on February 27, 2020 at 5:21 pm

    Crystalise the goal of running in a single event. Make him want to compete in a specific marathon or win it, otherwise, building himself up is an ongoing ambition, not a goal. Also, it would be better to word it so that one particular event motivated him to do so. After a near-death experience, or aRead more

    Crystalise the goal of running in a single event. Make him want to compete in a specific marathon or win it, otherwise, building himself up is an ongoing ambition, not a goal.

    Also, it would be better to word it so that one particular event motivated him to do so. After a near-death experience, or after surviving cancer…

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