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After his teenage son is kidnapped by gang members, a police officer decides to steal cars.
Think of Lord of the rings. "When an evil sorcerer threatens to enslave the entire world, a humble Hobbit decides to go on a trip." Now if I hadn't read the books but was just reading the logline, I would be scratching my head in confusion. How does going on a trip stop an evil sorcerer? The reasonRead more
Think of Lord of the rings.
“When an evil sorcerer threatens to enslave the entire world, a humble Hobbit decides to go on a trip.”
Now if I hadn’t read the books but was just reading the logline, I would be scratching my head in confusion. How does going on a trip stop an evil sorcerer?
The reason it’s confusing is that it’s missing why going on the trip is important,? (to destroy the ring which happens to be the power base for the evil sorcerer)
In your logline, his son gets kidnapped, so the lead steals some cars… obviously, something is missing from the logline, How does this all connect.
See lessSeven people risk their life while being in a deadly reality show as they to escape from an elevator.
We need to follow one of these people. Any time where there's multiple people competing for the same thing, the audience needs to line up behind one of them and want that individual to succeed and the others to fail. Do they willingly participate in this game show? Or is it like a "Saw" game? Is thiRead more
We need to follow one of these people. Any time where there’s multiple people competing for the same thing, the audience needs to line up behind one of them and want that individual to succeed and the others to fail.
Do they willingly participate in this game show? Or is it like a “Saw” game?
Is this a feature film or a short? I think the idea of a confined space and a group competing to do something is great but an elevator has a very limited number of options – door, ceiling, or floor. I can’t imagine it would take long to exhaust these possibilities so what keeps us watching if it’s a feature film.
Check out a film called ‘Exam’. Similar(ish) concept where a group of people in an exam room competing for 1 job at a prestigious company and are prepared to go to great lengths to do it.
See lessA dominatrix and control freak of a public defender spends her off time stripping to support her 3 kids but when her extra curricular activities put her at risk of getting disbarred, shes no longer sure if she?s flying or falling with style
A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II. You've given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she's at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it? Scrap the "flying or falling with style bit" -Read more
A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II.
You’ve given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she’s at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it?
Scrap the “flying or falling with style bit” – it means nothing in a logline as it doesn’t tell me anything about the plot. Merely that she’s in a predicament and she doesn’t know what to do. Think of it this way: If I asked you to imagine someone who was “no longer sure if she was flying or falling with style” would you be interested in what you saw? Or would you just be picturing a woman thinking?
The inciting incident here is being discovered that she strips for extra cash. This, coupled with the fact she’s an attorney is great. Stick with it! As it stands though, this is just the inciting incident:
“When a well-respected judge discovers she’s a part-time stripper putting her career at risk, a struggling public defender and mother must…”
This isn’t great, but it gives us a primary antagonist – a physical figure who can represent the antagonistic views ?of society with her choices – and sets her up so we know who she is, why she does it, and what she stands to lose.
We don’t need to know it’s 3 kids – she’s a mother so that’ll do. The dominatrix and control freak bit… it’s interesting but, personally, I would either go with “dominatrix” or “stripper”. I think dominatrix is potentially more interesting and less cliche.
Definitely an interesting situation so keep going with this one.
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