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When retires to his summer cabin in the woods, a widowed old hunter must overcome his grief for his wife; but when he finds the trace of an unknown beast, he will venture into the forest to demonstrate himself he is still capable.
The word 'when' in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident... the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story. For instance, it isn't John WicRead more
The word ‘when’ in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident… the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story.
For instance, it isn’t John Wicks’s wife dying that sets the story in motion… It is his dog being killed. His wife dying is a tragic event, but it is when the bad guys kill his dog that he goes on his mission of revenge which will be concluded in the final act.
I have read 3 of your loglines and in all three you have 2 ‘when’ events, but stories only have one inciting incident so there should only be one ‘when’ in your logline.
In this logline, since this is a story about killing an unknown beast, the inciting incident should be when he discovers the beast.
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“When he discovers that an unknown beast is killing local residents, a grief-stricken old hunter must dust off his rifle and pursue the thing before it can kill again.”
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Now in the script the death of his wife and the lead overcoming his grief will be an important part of the story, it is the lead character’s internal journey. But for the logline, you should stick with the main story and hint at the internal struggle that the lead character will go through.
Anyway, the story sounds interesting,
See lessHope this helped.
When a giant great white shark terrorizes a New England beach town, a local sheriff must team up with a marine biologist and a grizzled fisherman to hunt down and destroy the beast before it can claim any more lives.
Loglines for action-adventure stories usually feature an active protagonist, but when it comes to thrillers the hero often starts out as a victim or in the case of neo-noir as an antihero. In both cases these characters are reacting to the antagonist who drives the plot. In these cases, the loglineRead more
Loglines for action-adventure stories usually feature an active protagonist, but when it comes to thrillers the hero often starts out as a victim or in the case of neo-noir as an antihero. In both cases these characters are reacting to the antagonist who drives the plot. In these cases, the logline gets a bit tricky.
See lessA housewife and her estranged father mixed up in killing a loan shark struggle to escape both the police hunting them and a brothers vengeance to save the innocent members of their family.
Not too bad -- the main issue I think is in regards to the logic of the goal.. as in, why are they needing to save the innocent members of their family? Also - 'mixed up' is a bit vague, as is the Brother's need for vengeance..? 'A bored housewife finds herself on the run from the law after killingRead more
Not too bad — the main issue I think is in regards to the logic of the goal.. as in, why are they needing to save the innocent members of their family? Also – ‘mixed up’ is a bit vague, as is the Brother’s need for vengeance..?
‘A bored housewife finds herself on the run from the law after killing a loan shark to protect her estranged father-in-law’
?
Best of luck 🙂
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