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When her boyfriend’s doctors are unable to treat his fatal illness, an unsophisticated Papuan girl must convince him to travel to Papua to allow her Medicine man grandfather to save the love of her life.
Honestly, I think this is the best version of this logline that you have attempted, and I 'get' the story from this logline. You have been pretty close the last few attempts and I think this one is the closest to what gets the story across!
Honestly, I think this is the best version of this logline that you have attempted, and I ‘get’ the story from this logline. You have been pretty close the last few attempts and I think this one is the closest to what gets the story across!
See lessClaudia Amanda, a compliant daughter of a tycoon, has to entangle in an agreement to save his dad and the people behind the success of their company.
The story is not clear to me. Why does Claudia need to save her dad and the people in their company? What trouble does the father encounter? What agreement does Claudia get into and with whom does she make the agreement with. What do you mean by compliant daughter? Would she rather not get into theRead more
The story is not clear to me. Why does Claudia need to save her dad and the people in their company? What trouble does the father encounter? What agreement does Claudia get into and with whom does she make the agreement with. What do you mean by compliant daughter? Would she rather not get into the agreement but have to because she is afraid of her father?
See lessA plus size woman competes with her sexy, gold-digger friend for the man of her dreams.
Can't plus size women be sexy too? I feel like the wording of this logline suggests that the plus size woman is at a disadvantage because of her physique. This is problematic in the post #MeToo era. Surely, the decision is out of her hands? It's down to the guy. You can't force someone to fall in loRead more
Can’t plus size women be sexy too? I feel like the wording of this logline suggests that the plus size woman is at a disadvantage because of her physique. This is problematic in the post #MeToo era.
Surely, the decision is out of her hands? It’s down to the guy. You can’t force someone to fall in love with you, so whether he’s the man of her dreams or not is somewhat irrelevant. Doesn’t sound like her “friend” is much of a friend either.
Logline-wise, it has most of the required elements but it needs some visual specificity. What, specifically, is she doing to compete for this guy? If this is a feature, you’ve got 90+ mins to fill, so the reader needs to understand what’s going to be happening on screen.
Hope this helps in some way.
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