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A young Marine on weekend leave is abducted by an unreliable spy who recruits him to extract a suspected defector from an enemy planet before interstellar war breaks out.
You haven't really told us why they must extract the suspected defectorIs it because after the war breaks out they won't get another chance? (War is inevitable, this is their only window) or is it because if they can extract the defector they might be able to stop the war. (If this is the case you sRead more
You haven’t really told us why they must extract the suspected defector
Is it because after the war breaks out they won’t get another chance? (War is inevitable, this is their only window)
or is it because if they can extract the defector they might be able to stop the war. (If this is the case you should tell us why extracting the defector would stop the war)
Your logline isn’t clear on that.
See lessA unacknowledged nerd-jock joins the Tycan collective to save earth from the devastating Kirillian armada, and humanity from itself.
The logline describes "...the Tycan collectives..."? and the "...Kirillian Armada..." as if these are things the reader should know before reading the logline. Are these part of an existing IP? Or are these your inventions in the script? If the latter, best describe them instead of naming them. SecoRead more
The logline describes “…the Tycan collectives…”? and the “…Kirillian Armada…” as if these are things the reader should know before reading the logline. Are these part of an existing IP? Or are these your inventions in the script?
If the latter, best describe them instead of naming them.
Secondly, the goal is unclear, what does “…save humanity from itself…” mean? And what will the MC actually do to save the world?
See lessA retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.
All great advice and points taken with validity. I wrote this with family as the main component that drives the will to survive. I simply put people in harms way and force them to deal with more crap after even more crap. Currently, it is battling in the page awards semi-final round. Logline wise, IRead more
All great advice and points taken with validity. I wrote this with family as the main component that drives the will to survive. I simply put people in harms way and force them to deal with more crap after even more crap.
Currently, it is battling in the page awards semi-final round.
Logline wise, I never felt good about my choices or any newer versions. It is currently using:
A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional impairment to help save seven world leaders trapped on a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.
See less