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An earnest biology teacher struggles to stop the U.S. military from weaponizing a space-borne virus when his infected students show signs of telepathy.
That's an interesting idea, but what is the death stakes, Is the teacher afraid of someone noticing the student showing signs of telepathy? Or is the student using it to harm people or is the teacher afraid more people will begin to have this ability?
That’s an interesting idea, but what is the death stakes, Is the teacher afraid of someone noticing the student showing signs of telepathy? Or is the student using it to harm people or is the teacher afraid more people will begin to have this ability?
See lessIn a future where children must be raised by AI, the director of the largest AI firm risks arrest and death when she chooses to raise her infant son by herself.
I think you need something that forces her to make this decision. I don't see an event that triggers her to make this decision other than she just wants to. You need to show a reason for why she HAS TO raise her child rather than let the AI raise them. Maybe after giving birth she discovers a horribRead more
I think you need something that forces her to make this decision. I don’t see an event that triggers her to make this decision other than she just wants to. You need to show a reason for why she HAS TO raise her child rather than let the AI raise them. Maybe after giving birth she discovers a horrible truth about how the AI are raising the children and that makes her want to raise the child herself?
See lessIn the near future, a young genius escapes a moonbase where a madman secretly enslaves scientists in his plan to wipe out life on Earth but when no one believes him, he alone must find a way to destroy the base and free the other scientists.
It's a cool, dramatic premise. I don't get a feel for the character yet, though. "Young genius" is not enough to promise an engaging character for me. What personal challenges does the character face? Also, the survival of mankind is only a valid stake if there is someone close to the MC that we carRead more
It’s a cool, dramatic premise. I don’t get a feel for the character yet, though.
“Young genius” is not enough to promise an engaging character for me.
What personal challenges does the character face?
Also, the survival of mankind is only a valid stake if there is someone close to the MC that we care enough for to understand why he does it, other than out of self-preservation. This is why so many disaster movies are centred around families and/or couples.
Finally, I would prefer to see a logline following our formula, starting with ‘when’.
See lessRight now I struggle to see a clear trigger incident for the story, which means there may be a lot of exposition and backstory.