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  1. Posted: November 16, 2015In: SciFi

    A man comes into the possession of a time traveling device which he uses to help himself rob a bank.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on November 20, 2015 at 7:57 am

    I an not sure of the logic. If I had a time machine, I would definitely use the device to make money, however the last thing I would do is rob a bank. I would use it to bet on Superbowls, I would use it to win the lotto. I would invest money in Microsoft when it first started... I would buy US bondsRead more

    I an not sure of the logic.

    If I had a time machine, I would definitely use the device to make money, however the last thing I would do is rob a bank. I would use it to bet on Superbowls, I would use it to win the lotto. I would invest money in Microsoft when it first started… I would buy US bonds, then cash them in, in the future.

    With all the sure fire ways to make money from a time machine, why rob a bank? (If there is a personal reason, it should be in the logline)

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  2. Posted: November 18, 2015In: SciFi

    A pristine teen that gets taken away from her parents by a rogue organization which use children as test subjects, tries to escape before she gets sent off to a notorious section of the organizations testing facilities.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 18, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    As noted, the logline lacks specificity in regards to the exact nature of the threat. Also, the the logline is,uh, grammatically challenging. Pristine is not usually used to describe a person.? "a teen that..." should read "a teen who..." A? "rogue organization which use.." should read "rogue organiRead more

    As noted, the logline lacks specificity in regards to the exact nature of the threat.

    Also, the the logline is,uh, grammatically challenging. Pristine is not usually used to describe a person.? “a teen that…” should read “a teen who…” A? “rogue organization which use..” should read “rogue organization which uses…” And “organizations testing facilities” should? read “organization’s testing facilities..”

    You only have one chance to make a good 1st impression. Bad grammar makes? a bad impression, gives logline readers all the excuse they need to decline reading a script.

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  3. Posted: November 13, 2015In: SciFi

    As global conflicts over our planet’s dwindling resources ensue, an astrophysicist leads a team to explore other universes to discover why, in a multi-verse of infinite possibilities, each Earth has suffered the same fate.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 13, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Have you considered flipping the premise, such that:As global conflicts over Earth's dwindling resources ensue, an astrophysicist leads a team to explore parallel universes to discover why, in a multi-verse of infinite possibilities, all other Earths have escaped a doomsday scenario.? (34 words)My tRead more

    Have you considered flipping the premise, such that:

    As global conflicts over Earth’s dwindling resources ensue, an astrophysicist leads a team to explore parallel universes to discover why, in a multi-verse of infinite possibilities, all other Earths have escaped a doomsday scenario.? (34 words)

    My take on character flaw is that it is a dramatically pertinent if it threatens or prevents the protagonist from achieving the objective goal until it is acknowledged and overcome. [And I have been compiling a list of films where the protagonist is not handicapped by a character flaw, at least not one that would prevent him/her from achieving his/her objective goal.]? Anyway, in this case, being rogue may be an asset not a liability.

    Whatever.? The core concept is an interesting one.? Best wishes.

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