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An inmate is sent inside a virtual world where she takes control of an agile robot and with a companion, journeys to protect a burgeoning stripper from deadly adversaries.
What is the 'or else'? What will happen if the inmate does not save the stripper?
What is the ‘or else’?
See lessWhat will happen if the inmate does not save the stripper?
A humble hover-car racer is chosen for his exposure to high velocities to help salvage Earth and free society from the restrictive confines of life aboard a space station.
"A humble hover-car racer is chosen to explore a destroyed earth and discover a safe place for earth's survivors on his space station to start over."
“A humble hover-car racer is chosen to explore a destroyed earth and discover a safe place for earth’s survivors on his space station to start over.”
See lessWhen an old foe returns and takes control of a doomsday weapon, an admiral who feared his time was over must utilise all the tricks his experience taught him to save his ship and crew.
Hi Zodrak. 1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger 2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten "who feared his time was over" by usinRead more
Hi Zodrak.
1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger
See less2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten “who feared his time was over” by using something like world-worn as an adjective. It hints to a psychological state. Also the antagonist is missing a descriptive adjective which makes it hard to envision the struggle between them.
3. What doomsday weapon are we talking about here? Making it specific might make it easier to visualise the story concept.
4. It sounds like hero and villain have history together, maybe that could be hinted at as well if it doesn’t make the longline too long…