1. Posted: January 14, 2020In:

    After his teenage son is kidnapped by gang members, a police officer decides to steal cars.

    Richiev Singularity

    Think of Lord of the rings. "When an evil sorcerer threatens to enslave the entire world, a humble Hobbit decides to go on a trip." Now if I hadn't read the books but was just reading the logline, I would be scratching my head in confusion. How does going on a trip stop an evil sorcerer? The reasonRead more

    Think of Lord of the rings.

    “When an evil sorcerer threatens to enslave the entire world, a humble Hobbit decides to go on a trip.”

    Now if I hadn’t read the books but was just reading the logline, I would be scratching my head in confusion. How does going on a trip stop an evil sorcerer?

    The reason it’s confusing is that it’s missing why going on the trip is important,? (to destroy the ring which happens to be the power base for the evil sorcerer)

    In your logline, his son gets kidnapped, so the lead steals some cars… obviously, something is missing from the logline, How does this all connect.

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  2. Posted: January 10, 2020In:

    During a near-future nuclear war, when an A-bomb forces her into a public bunker, an optimistic head-nurse and mother takes charge of the eclectic group of strangers to ensure they survive the mandatory month-long confinement

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Thanks for the comments, Trix. Here's my thoughts/responses to your comments. I wanted to have it set in a dystopian near-future so that whilst technology has moved forwards, mankind seems to have taken a ?step backwards. I get that A-bomb tells us it's nuclear war but I wanted to make it clear thisRead more

    Thanks for the comments, Trix. Here’s my thoughts/responses to your comments.

    • I wanted to have it set in a dystopian near-future so that whilst technology has moved forwards, mankind seems to have taken a ?step backwards. I get that A-bomb tells us it’s nuclear war but I wanted to make it clear this is common-place. Things are in place to deal with it (like the bunkers) and it’s become a part of life.
    • Based on my (admittedly minimal) research, after 72 hours you could potentially leave the shelter but recommendations are for a 2 week stay in the bunker. I feel like 2 weeks isn’t long enough so I upped it and will have an explanation why. At the midpoint, another A-bomb drops nearby so they are forced to stay in for even longer. As for how ‘near’, I’m thinking within the next 50 years or so.
    • Head nurse, chief nurse – matron might work better…? I wanted her to be someone whom everyone looked up to instantly. She’s medically trained and, not only that, she’s good enough to be a leader. So it’s natural for her to a) be the person whom people turn to for guidance, especially if people are injured going into the shelter (this is the case and will set her up with ordering people about to save lives), and b) be used to taking charge in high-stress situations so proactively just does it. I wanted this to be the answer to the ever-painful question of “why is this person the protagonist?”.
    • You’re absolutely right here. The conflict is minimal within the logline as it stands. The issue I have is that, to me, within the bunker, there’s a snowball effect of mini-disasters – opposing ideals, people wanting to get out, limited resources, another bomb goes off towards the end of their stay, etc, etc – that cumulatively makes the situation about survival. I’m not sure how to phrase that in the logline though – any ideas?

    Great notes and I’d love to see your response to my comments.

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  3. Posted: December 18, 2019In:

    ?After a botched clinical trial, an out of work sketch artist with synesthesia begins to see through time, which leads to a turbulent partnership with an alcoholic Private Investigator to help solve existing crimes and prevent new ones.? A 1 Hour Drama ? Title ?Savant? or ?Seer? , TBD.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    I think the "botched clinical trial" works very well for a destitute man, just trying to earn the $15 or whatever for participating so he can eat.? I agree with not excluding taste and smell.? Maybe mention "his five senses" instead of listing them.? I guess maybe the only thing that's missing fromRead more

    I think the “botched clinical trial” works very well for a destitute man, just trying to earn the $15 or whatever for participating so he can eat.? I agree with not excluding taste and smell.? Maybe mention “his five senses” instead of listing them.? I guess maybe the only thing that’s missing from this logline is… where is the conflict/danger?? Sounds like something good happens out of bad, and we just watch him do great things with it.? I honestly don’t know if it would help because you probably have enough of a hook, but I think it’s worth considering what you might tweak if you wanted to add that.

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