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revised:Revised: Christ Jesus living under an alias is brutalized by two police officers this time he decides to fight back bringing him into a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter a police sergeant whose outcome will decide whether humanity lives or dies.
First As mentioned by Nir before, you should post your edited logline in the original thread or edit the original post. Now on the logline itself, it is very confusing. On the top of this web page, there is a tab/button Our Formula. If you click on it, you will find a short description of how to wriRead more
First As mentioned by Nir before, you should post your edited logline in the original thread or edit the original post.
See lessNow on the logline itself, it is very confusing. On the top of this web page, there is a tab/button Our Formula. If you click on it, you will find a short description of how to write a sensible logline.
Your logline does not have a inciting incident (I can’t see a connection between fighting against two thuggish police officers and the fate of humanity), a protagonist (is it Jesus Christ or his daughter), an antagonist, a goal (does he still want to sacrifice himself, save humanity, sacrifice his daughter, …).
Also usually the logline indicates the genre (satire, comedy, western, science-fiction, thriller, drama, action, …), but ?your logline does not give any indication. What is it a satirical comedy or a drama?
Christ living a normal life as a normal dude decides to defend himself against a brutal police force bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter who is trying to kill him.
Please restrict your posting of new versions of the same logline to the single original thread. In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live aRead more
Please restrict your posting of new versions of the same logline to the single original thread.
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that’s the case, it’s just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killed by his daughter.
Other than that, the plot is unclear and the premise confusing.
What is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result of the threat from his daughter? And what does “…bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter…” mean? Do they come up to him on the street with her in custody and show them to each other? Is she a part of the police force and is leading them to catch him? Why would the police be after him in the first place? Why does she want to kill her own father? Is it because they became estranged?
No need to answer the above questions in a direct reply. These are only a few of the questions the logline raises and likely will confuse most people.
See lessrate my logline
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that's the case, it's just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killedRead more
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that’s the case, it’s just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killed by his daughter.
Other than that, the plot is unclear and the premise confusing.
What is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result of the threat from his daughter? And what does “…bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter…” mean? Do they come up to him on the street with her in custody and show them to each other? Is she a part of the police force and is leading them to catch him? Why would the police be after him in the first place? Why does she want to kill her own father? Is it because they became estranged?
No need to answer the above questions in a direct reply. These are only a few of the questions the logline raises and likely will confuse most people.
See less