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After his wife is murdered a brilliant scientist travels back in time to save her- but at what cost?
One more thing: There are two reasons to ask a question...1: To get an answer, but the reader doesn't know the answer.2: Because it is rhetorical, But rhetorical assumes the answer is obvious but since the reader doesn't know what the cost is, it isn't rhetorical either.As a result, asking a questioRead more
One more thing: There are two reasons to ask a question…
1: To get an answer, but the reader doesn’t know the answer.
2: Because it is rhetorical, But rhetorical assumes the answer is obvious but since the reader doesn’t know what the cost is, it isn’t rhetorical either.
As a result, asking a question that is neither rhetorical or nor something the reader can answer adds no information to the logline and is just confusing.
I would try to write a version of this logline without the tagged on question?at the end, and add the stakes into the logline so the reader knows what the possible cost could be if the lead character messes with the timeline.
See lessAfter learning his mother is dying due to lack of healthcare coverage and money, a promising med student abruptly quits school to compete in a dangerous TV show offering $1 million to the lone survivor who is still alive at the end of the game.
I like the implied conflict between the med student's future career as a doctor juxtaposed to his lack of faith in the very healthcare system that would sustain him. As others have said, logline is a bit wordy, but that's an easy fix. Interesting and timely concept!
I like the implied conflict between the med student’s future career as a doctor juxtaposed to his lack of faith in the very healthcare system that would sustain him. As others have said, logline is a bit wordy, but that’s an easy fix. Interesting and timely concept!
See lessWhen a farmer?s wife vanishes, his desperate hunt reveals he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion. He must rescue his wife, pregnant with their hybrid child, and escape back home.
"...he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion..." - this sounds like the basic premise of Dark City. It's also unclear what he plans on doing to save the rest of the town if at all. I'd also change the wording to reduce tRead more
“…he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion…” – this sounds like the basic premise of Dark City.
It’s also unclear what he plans on doing to save the rest of the town if at all.
I’d also change the wording to reduce the length and streamline the plot. e.g:
See lessAfter aliens abduct his pregnant wife, a farmer discovers their town is a ruse by aliens preparing an invasion, he must then sabotage the alien mothership to save them all.