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‘When a mentally ill patient refuses to leave his home, a probationary constable discovers her training could never prepare her for the deadly lesson she?s about to face.’
As Dkpough1 said.It's still not clear as to what the jeopardy is, what is at stake. ?What exactly is the "fatal ending" she is trying to prevent? ?A suicide, a homicide?
As Dkpough1 said.
It’s still not clear as to what the jeopardy is, what is at stake. ?What exactly is the “fatal ending” she is trying to prevent? ?A suicide, a homicide?
See lesssorry… just wanted to delete and couldn’t see how…
It's too long, you can close this down by half if you focus on the points made previously from other reviews about event and action. You have to choose which is the event, the father being released or the girlfriend disappearing? Choose one. What action does he take to try and fix this event? In theRead more
It’s too long, you can close this down by half if you focus on the points made previously from other reviews about event and action. You have to choose which is the event, the father being released or the girlfriend disappearing? Choose one. What action does he take to try and fix this event? In the updated logline you’ve provided, no action exists. Ambiguity should’t be in there, you’ve kind of set up the 1st act but as an outsider, I have no idea what action would be taken in the second and most important act, which makes up the majority of the film.
See lessA Gladiator Winner searches for his banished parents to re-take the throne from his own blood after learning he was left for dead
What DPG wrote. Also I'll add that the key to a good logline is clarity - something sorely lacking in this instance. I don't want?to sound mean, however the sentence structure and order of the descriptions are simply very?confusing, and require multiple reads to make sense of. Think of a logline asRead more
What DPG wrote.
Also I’ll add that the key to a good logline is clarity – something sorely lacking in this instance. I don’t want?to sound mean, however the sentence structure and order of the descriptions are simply very?confusing, and require multiple reads to make sense of.
Think of a logline as a guid to helping the reader?follow the bouncing ball of your narrative. It needs to be a simple description of a dramatic need, obstacle and goal.
For example:
See lessA bad thing happens to a flawed character motivating him to take action to achieve a compelling goal. Now replace the words of this sentence with the events and SIMPLE descriptions of your story, but keep the order.