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A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mob boss in a hit and run and must escape or be killed.
Hey RichW, Your logline is straight to the point - no issue there. I notice you have it assigned under Thriller; it initially strikes me as a Comedy. I chuckled a good bit, visualizing the scene in my head. Also, I mentioned in the beginning that you were straight to the point. It can still use someRead more
Hey RichW,
Your logline is straight to the point – no issue there.
I notice you have it assigned under Thriller; it initially strikes me as a Comedy. I chuckled a good bit, visualizing the scene in my head.
Also, I mentioned in the beginning that you were straight to the point. It can still use some clarity where there is needed. Particularly where Richiev asked escape to where. Are you trying to say he must escape the scene of the accident, or implying that he must go on the run? ?You want to have certain questions already answered.
Understandably, it’s easy to overlook some of the simplest yet crucial mistakes, and you most likely won’t catch it until after the fact. Just be aware and keep at it, and at it, and at it.
See lessWhen a nuke?s tiny screw pops and triggers a countdown, a guard on night duty must find and reattach it before the missile detonates.
Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short... what the guard does? If it's a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.
Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short… what the guard does? If it’s a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.
See lessWhen a writer looking for a new story decides to follow people as way to find inspiration he soon realizes he has more interest in interfering with people’s lives than in simply watching them, which leads him to find a cult he wasn’t supposed to find and face the consequences.
Hello, I like the idea of a writer who follows people to get inspiration and then interfering - this is an interesting concept. But I don't feel 'organic' the part with the mysterious cult... how that fits with the character? If the movie is about the cult, then the logline uses too much words to deRead more
Hello,
See lessI like the idea of a writer who follows people to get inspiration and then interfering – this is an interesting concept. But I don’t feel ‘organic’ the part with the mysterious cult… how that fits with the character? If the movie is about the cult, then the logline uses too much words to describe how the main character finds the cult, and?what I like in your story becomes just a part of the first act. Maybe you can try to include in the logline what links the cult (what cult?) to the main character’s flaw/obsession/goal.