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Possessed by an angel, a reclusive student is forced to track down the host of an escaped demon and exorcise it before he becomes its next victim.
It sounds like the MC is the angel and the logline should be told form his or her point of view. The angel can still take control of the students body but the story is the angel's not the student's. What is the big danger posed by the demon outside of the that to the person he or she is possessing?Read more
It sounds like the MC is the angel and the logline should be told form his or her point of view. The angel can still take control of the students body but the story is the angel’s not the student’s.
What is the big danger posed by the demon outside of the that to the person he or she is possessing? Is there a greater good the angel is fighting for than one human? Could the demon be trying to bring about the Apocalypse for example?
I think the stakes need raising significantly and an inciting incident needs to be specified.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen two personalities, a meek family man and a violent assassin, become aware they’re sharing the same mind and body, they work together to find the organisation that created them, but they’re both secretly planning to have the other erased to survive.
Sounds cool! What's the goal though? From this logline, I have no idea what the main character wants. Is it to get back to his family? Then write that in the logline. And what must he do to get back? Fight of this alternate personality of his (fight himself basically). I feel like the logline only dRead more
Sounds cool!
What’s the goal though? From this logline, I have no idea what the main character wants. Is it to get back to his family? Then write that in the logline. And what must he do to get back? Fight of this alternate personality of his (fight himself basically).
I feel like the logline only discribes the first act of the film, that the inciting incident is when he finds out his kidnapper isn’t real. What happens next?
Hope this helped! 🙂
See lessBored with his isolated and monotonous life, an apathetic psychologist decides to intentionally go crazy by killing someone at random, believing that if the guilt doesn’t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he will be sent for having no reason for his cruel act will.
I like the goal, I like the idea. Hello, there is a very good movie vaguely related to his idea: Edmond http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443496/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_38 I think that the final part of the logline could be cut ("believing that if the guilt doesn?t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he wilRead more
I like the goal, I like the idea.
Hello, there is a very good movie vaguely related to his idea: Edmond
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443496/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_38
I think that the final part of the logline could be cut (“believing that if the guilt doesn?t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he will be sent for having no reason for his cruel act will”), because it’s explanation instead of plot.
You could also find a precise inciting event that put the story in motion (be bored is a bit vague)… Can you think of a visuel event that can make the character realize how bored he is? Maybe his mother dies and he feels nothing (like in “the stranger” by Camus that you should read to get inspiration).
Then you need to find a clear source of conflict… what force opposes to his plan? He’s bored, he stabs to death the first person on the street, end of the story?
Find an inciting event, find a source of conflict and you’ll have a very good logline!
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