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  1. Posted: October 8, 2015In: Thriller

    After the murder of her mother, an anti-socialite young girl must survive the trials of a ritualistic fraternity to vindicate the alleged killer…Her father!

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on October 9, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Agreed with the above. I'd add that the MC description as "...young girl..." sounds generic and as a result doesn't add much to our understanding of the character perhaps either remove or change it. Secondly I think the cause and effect relationship between the murder and the need to vindicate is clRead more

    Agreed with the above.

    I’d add that the MC description as “…young girl…” sounds generic and as a result doesn’t add much to our understanding of the character perhaps either remove or change it.

    Secondly I think the cause and effect relationship between the murder and the need to vindicate is clear but surviving the trials of a ritualistic fraternity is not clear, this seams like a separate element tacked on for effect more than a story need.
    How will this bring the MC closer to achieving her goal?

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: October 2, 2015In: Thriller

    A cold and withdrawn assassin, who uses her apocalyptic visions of the future to hunt targets in the present before they become a threat, finds herself hunted by a deadly, yet emotionally unstable, foe, and, in her bid to survive, she uncovers a future she never could have foreseen.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on October 6, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    The lack of plot specific details and abundance of words make this logline for a difficult read. Perhaps try re drafting the logline and include only the main character description of her character flaw, her inciting incident and goal. Then if there is room to spare add in additional information. HoRead more

    The lack of plot specific details and abundance of words make this logline for a difficult read.

    Perhaps try re drafting the logline and include only the main character description of her character flaw, her inciting incident and goal.
    Then if there is room to spare add in additional information.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: September 30, 2015In: Thriller

    When a na?ve woman meets a stalker online she must fight him off in order to return to her peaceful life.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on September 30, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    Hello, I suggest you to include more details to build a stronger interest in the story. -What kind of actions she performs to fight the stalker? (going to the police :) ? -What kind of online stalking can be filmed in a visual way in the movie? Watch "unfriended", a whole movie on a computer screenRead more

    Hello,

    I suggest you to include more details to build a stronger interest in the story.
    -What kind of actions she performs to fight the stalker? (going to the police 🙂 ?
    -What kind of online stalking can be filmed in a visual way in the movie? Watch “unfriended”, a whole movie on a computer screen (very good), where some friends are ‘trolled’ by the ghost of a dead friend.

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