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Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.
Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it's the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The "Make a decision" part is a little vague and could use a bit more specifics to establish clear stakes.
Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it’s the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The “Make a decision” part is a little vague and could use a bit more specifics to establish clear stakes.
See lessA young graduate, struggling to have a career as a photo-journalist but stuck without job prospects receives a call from a mysterious hacker organisation that wants to recruit him as their man in the field. He works for them while he tries to figure out what their ultimate goal is and confronts his opposing family.
agreed, needs to be way less wordy.
agreed, needs to be way less wordy.
See lessA? newcomer in New York City,? befriends a lovely housewife who’s harboring a dark secret from them.
The criminals pale in comparison to the aliens, so best to only describe the aliens in the logline. The criminals may play out in the script, but they're not adding enough value to warrant being described in the logline. Why two main characters? Unless you have an odd couple buddy story, it would beRead more
The criminals pale in comparison to the aliens, so best to only describe the aliens in the logline. The criminals may play out in the script, but they’re not adding enough value to warrant being described in the logline.
Why two main characters? Unless you have an odd couple buddy story, it would be better to specify one main character.
Also, ss being led by a Russian gang leader a bad thing? If so, it doesn’t come across as such in the logline. What about the Russian gang leader makes her a problem?
Lastly, how is the gang leader’s sex relevant?
Whether female or male, the Russian gangster character will still fulfill the same role (the role is unclear in the logline, but that’s beside the point). Therefore, as every word in a logline counts, and as that description doesn’t inform the story, it should be cut out or changed.
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