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When retires to his summer cabin in the woods, a widowed old hunter must overcome his grief for his wife; but when he finds the trace of an unknown beast, he will venture into the forest to demonstrate himself he is still capable.
The word 'when' in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident... the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story. For instance, it isn't John WicRead more
The word ‘when’ in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident… the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story.
For instance, it isn’t John Wicks’s wife dying that sets the story in motion… It is his dog being killed. His wife dying is a tragic event, but it is when the bad guys kill his dog that he goes on his mission of revenge which will be concluded in the final act.
I have read 3 of your loglines and in all three you have 2 ‘when’ events, but stories only have one inciting incident so there should only be one ‘when’ in your logline.
In this logline, since this is a story about killing an unknown beast, the inciting incident should be when he discovers the beast.
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“When he discovers that an unknown beast is killing local residents, a grief-stricken old hunter must dust off his rifle and pursue the thing before it can kill again.”
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Now in the script the death of his wife and the lead overcoming his grief will be an important part of the story, it is the lead character’s internal journey. But for the logline, you should stick with the main story and hint at the internal struggle that the lead character will go through.
Anyway, the story sounds interesting,
See lessHope this helped.
Families must take the law into their own hands after they discover the new neighbors aren’t the perfect family everyone thought they were.
A logline must be compelling, it's what sells the story to the industry. Your logline would improve and draw the reader in if it were more specific. There should be a specific event that compels the family to take the law into their own hands and that event should be personal. The event should alsoRead more
A logline must be compelling, it’s what sells the story to the industry.
Your logline would improve and draw the reader in if it were more specific.
There should be a specific event that compels the family to take the law into their own hands and that event should be personal.
The event should also be horrific enough that the reader will understand why it might compel an ordinary person to take the law into their own hands.
Finally, there should be stakes of some sort if the lead character fails.
See lessAfter witnessing a murder, a young woman with autism teams up with a cop to name the serial killer in order for her to stop being targeted.
Whose story is this, the young autistic woman's or the cop's? Whose PoV will we follow?
Whose story is this, the young autistic woman’s or the cop’s? Whose PoV will we follow?
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