1. Posted: April 30, 2018In:

    In a last attempt to prove himself, a washed-up detective must unravel the secrets of a small-town to find two missing children.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The logline got my interest only after the words "...two missing children..." - the children being taken is the inciting incident, it's what's at stake and what forces the MC to take action. The inciting incident needs to be written at the start of the logline, not the end, it defeats its own purposRead more

    The logline got my interest only after the words “…two missing children…” – the children being taken is the inciting incident, it’s what’s at stake and what forces the MC to take action. The inciting incident needs to be written at the start of the logline, not the end, it defeats its own purpose otherwise.

    On another note, a detective solving a crime is just another day on the job, there’s not much about this that sounds original or compelling. The fact that he’s washed up and wants to prove himself makes him selfish not interesting. Can you somehow connect the missing children to him in a personal way (his own children are taken or it’s the same MO of a kidnapper he failed to catch years before and he’s feeling guilty about it)? Or could his motivation be less about proving himself to the town and more about proving himself to his own family?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: April 25, 2018In:

    A burnt-out detective has to face his past when offered the job of finding two missing kids in a small-town full of lies.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    A logline is about what a protagonist must do facing forward in time.? What his objective goal is looking towards the future.? A logline is not about unresolved issues from his past.Certainly in the process of moving forward, a protagonist may have to face issues from his past.? And such issues canRead more

    A logline is about what a protagonist must do facing forward in time.? What his objective goal is looking towards the future.? A logline is not about unresolved issues from his past.

    Certainly in the process of moving forward, a protagonist may have to face issues from his past.? And such issues can enrichen the script proper.? But a logline is about the intended objective goal going forward (cause), not about issues that come up unintentionally from the past (effect).

    A logline is about intentionality, about intended actions,? not unintended consequences.? The burnt-out detective does not intentionally, deliberately, willfully seek to face issues from his past.? That is not what he originally wants to do, that is not his original objective goal.? ?What he wants to do, what constitutes his conscious intention is to find the missing kids.? ?Having to deal with his past comes as an unwelcome, unsought after surprise.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 19, 2018In:

    When a group of people commits suicide after watching his psychological movies, an alcoholic director who can predict his possible futures must escape from a secret government who wants to kill him, thinking that he is a threat to our society.

    wind Logliner

    I second variable. Apart from the fundamental loopholes, a better-active-goal will be helpful Predicting future does not create conflict ...and always hard to pull off successfully I'd like to add...."psychological movies" doesn't help Neither does his being an "Alcoholic"...

    I second variable. Apart from the fundamental loopholes, a better-active-goal will be helpful

    Predicting future does not create conflict
    …and always hard to pull off successfully

    I’d like to add….”psychological movies” doesn’t help
    Neither does his being an “Alcoholic”…

    See less
    • 0