1. Posted: January 26, 2018In:

    An ex-smuggler seeks a quiet life, until past criminal associates find him and terrorize his new family, demanding a bigger cut from their last job.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    A retired smuggler must fight back against his former gang to protect his family when the gang comes for money they think they are owed.

    A retired smuggler must fight back against his former gang to protect his family when the gang comes for money they think they are owed.

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  2. Posted: January 26, 2018In:

    When an arcane creature disembowels several Asian women in 1900s San Francisco, a war-weary army officer teams with a disparate group of social outcasts to hunt it down? Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath. That's a spoiler and a logline should never have a spoiler.? The Big Reveal is something a logline should never reveal.? What's going to sell the script -- and the movie -- is the monster, not the politicRead more

    >>>Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.

    That’s a spoiler and a logline should never have a spoiler.? The Big Reveal is something a logline should never reveal.? What’s going to sell the script — and the movie — is the monster, not the politics.

    Also the antagonist should be a single individual, a Bad Guy (or Gal), not a committee, a group of Bad Guys (and Girls). A group of people can be complicit, of course, but who is the first among equals, the alpha character, who is leading the others?

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  3. Posted: January 17, 2018In:

    After he spoils a shipment of drugs, newly-wed Jim must pay back the value in full after the drug’s owners kidnap his brother-in-law.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Agreed, Your choice of words are interesting. Not uncommon to see writers toss in vague adjectives and strange writing styles. Newly wed. Brother in law. Pay back the value. Spoils a shipment of drugs. 26 words as is. Not super long, but if you scalple this, just think how much better it could readRead more

    Agreed,

    Your choice of words are interesting. Not uncommon to see writers toss in vague adjectives and strange writing styles.

    Newly wed. Brother in law. Pay back the value. Spoils a shipment of drugs.

    26 words as is. Not super long, but if you scalple this, just think how much better it could read or at least, you would have room to add more formula elements, such as a ticking time bomb, etc…

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