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  1. Posted: August 31, 2015In: Public

    A once indulgent father now battles his spoiled children who are stealing his retirement money.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on April 19, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    Even if you don't want to cover off the inciting incident, it may be good to put it into a scenario to give it context. ?What is motivating his battle with his children? ?Perhaps just a "After discovering that adult children have been stealing his retirement money a (potential description) has to doRead more

    Even if you don’t want to cover off the inciting incident, it may be good to put it into a scenario to give it context. ?What is motivating his battle with his children? ?Perhaps just a “After discovering that adult children have been stealing his retirement money a (potential description) has to do battle (what does that look like) to get his money back.

    The “do battle” is that a court room drama or a family fight. ?His he scamming them to get his money back or just arguing his head off. ?Cramming all this into a few lines is very difficult.

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  2. Posted: May 28, 2015In: Public

    An amnesiac who wakes up chained to a table in a mysterious room must uncover why sinister doctors are performing grisly operations on him.

    Tim Aucoin Logliner
    Added an answer on March 23, 2016 at 10:17 am

    Thanks for the reviews guys. I haven't been on here for awhile so it's cool to read the feedback. Much appreciated!

    Thanks for the reviews guys. I haven’t been on here for awhile so it’s cool to read the feedback. Much appreciated!

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  3. Posted: March 12, 2016In: Public

    EBABE finds success selling on Eworld Auctions, but now her life’s become a strange “eVenture.”

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 13, 2016 at 1:06 am

    The play on the word adventure ("eVenture") is okay -- but not sufficient.? It's more of a blurb,?something that?teases?an audience, less??than a substantive?logline that?tells ?a movie producer what the plot is. That is,? it ?sets up a situation (sort of) for a story, but fails to clearly?indicateRead more

    The play on the word adventure (“eVenture”) is okay — but not sufficient.? It’s more of a blurb,?something that?teases?an audience, less??than a substantive?logline that?tells ?a movie producer what the plot is. That is,? it ?sets up a situation (sort of) for a story, but fails to clearly?indicate where the story is going.?

    What is eBabe’s objective goal? ?Who opposes her externally (antagonist) and? what jeopardizes her success internally (character flaw)?? ?What’s at stake? – what does she stand to gain by succeeding, lose by failing?

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