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  1. Posted: August 7, 2015In: Public

    Miami Air ramp-service personal engage in the systematic looting of airport luggage and merchandize, which leads to the death of eight ?Ramp Rats? and the arrest of sixty-three other luggage handlers and airport personnel.

    Jefferson McClure Penpusher
    Added an answer on August 13, 2015 at 7:43 am

    I don't think we need the "Miami Air" or "Ramp-Rats" in the logline. Also, as mentioned by other commenters, there doesn't seem to be a protagonist that is actively involved in the story. Maybe something like "When valuables start disappearing from luggage, a slacker airport security chief must plunRead more

    I don’t think we need the “Miami Air” or “Ramp-Rats” in the logline. Also, as mentioned by other commenters, there doesn’t seem to be a protagonist that is actively involved in the story.

    Maybe something like “When valuables start disappearing from luggage, a slacker airport security chief must plunge into the dangerous underground world of luggage handlers and solve the case before the body count starts to rise.” Well, that’s not great either, but you get the gist…

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  2. Posted: August 11, 2015In: Public

    An apathetic psychiatrist wakes up with the ability to sense and absorb psychological distress, so when he detects a patient?s toxic marriage, he is compelled to help her escape her abusive husband without revealing his secret.

    Frugal Writer Penpusher
    Added an answer on August 13, 2015 at 1:17 am

    I like the idea of someone being able to foresee events before they happen and struggling to convince the victim of the upcoming danger. I agree with previous comments.

    I like the idea of someone being able to foresee events before they happen and struggling to convince the victim of the upcoming danger.

    I agree with previous comments.

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  3. Posted: August 12, 2015In: Public

    In a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, a middle-aged chef with no ambition finds new vigor in his work as he becomes entranced in a whimsical high-school student who aspires to be taken under his wing as an assistant cook.

    Added an answer on August 12, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    There is a lot there but I find it an interesting set up. I don't know how or where you plan to take this story but I offer this 30 word rewrite: When a burnt out cook hires a high school coed her whimsical vigor and raw culinary skills threaten his stale, comfortable life but stirs his passion forRead more

    There is a lot there but I find it an interesting set up. I don’t know how or where you plan to take this story but I offer this 30 word rewrite:
    When a burnt out cook hires a high school coed her whimsical vigor and raw culinary skills threaten his stale, comfortable life but stirs his passion for cooking and life.

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