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After a homeless young man, who thinks he brings a misfortune whenever he is, meets his idol and becomes a member of a group with super-powered people, called Core-holders, he starts thinking that this is turnaround in his life. Its awesome, its everything he ever wanted and? Core-holders start mysteriously dying. Of course.
>>there is no short way to describe what Core-holders are That's a potentially fatal problem with your concept. Core-holders are central to your story. Anyone who reads your logline needs to be able to understand what differentiates them from the crowd of other characters in other films with ultra oRead more
>>there is no short way to describe what Core-holders are
That’s a potentially fatal problem with your concept. Core-holders are central to your story. Anyone who reads your logline needs to be able to understand what differentiates them from the crowd of other characters in other films with ultra or super powers.
Since I, for one, have no clear idea what they are either, I am at a loss as to what to suggest. Other than, first and foremost, come up with a sharply focused and succinct definition of what a Core-holder is/does.
See lessIn the claustrophobia of a haunted flat, an immature voodoo sorcerer makes a terrible choice when he calls upon his dark gods to seek revenge for a broken heart.
You are hiding the ball by describing your second act as a "terrible choice". This vague description encompasses the main plot and your entire second act, one half of the story (one hour for a movie). "Gee Bob, let's go see a movie tonight. How about a cool movie where the sorcerer makes a terribleRead more
You are hiding the ball by describing your second act as a “terrible choice”. This vague description encompasses the main plot and your entire second act, one half of the story (one hour for a movie).
“Gee Bob, let’s go see a movie tonight. How about a cool movie where the sorcerer makes a terrible choice.”
Please give us more than a vague reference to your main conflict.
Loglines are a great tool to keep you focused on the big picture. What you described is a vague idea.
If you know what you are writing, state it.
See less"As a wealthy upper-class young man enters adulthood during the second US civil war, he is suddenly disowned and ousted from his family estate, causing him to experience the life of the impoverished in a military-industrial society, eventually joining the ranks on the front line to prove to his father he deserves his inheritance."
Thanks for the feedback, I have a new logline up!
Thanks for the feedback, I have a new logline up!
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