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A blood thirty time traveller frames a pretty vampire for murder. She has to prove his guilt or she and her clan will die.
Mixing a scifi time travel genre with the vampire genre can be interesting but I think this is running the risk of genre confusion. Is the time travel essential to the plot Ala' 'Back To The Future'? Or is it just a plot device to get the characters together? If the later then it is unnecessary andRead more
Mixing a scifi time travel genre with the vampire genre can be interesting but I think this is running the risk of genre confusion. Is the time travel essential to the plot Ala’ ‘Back To The Future’? Or is it just a plot device to get the characters together?
If the later then it is unnecessary and could possibly cloud the plot by making the concept confusing.
Is the time traveler a vampire as well? Or just likes killing? Why will she and her clan die if she doesn’t prove her innocence? This lack of logic between the plot elements further confuses the concept. If this is made to be the stakes for the MC then she would have a compelling motive to take action.
My try:
After being framed for murder by a serial killer a vampire must prove her innocence to appease the local town folk and prevent them from slaying her entire clan.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a shy courier, in a bad marriage, is allured by the friendly wife of a drug criminal, he pursues her help to overcome his social anxiety, despite exposure to his wife's brother by police phone taps.
Best to try and take on board the previous comments by implementing them in the re drafts of the logline. Inject a clear goal motivated by an inciting incident with high stakes for the MC. Love story or not this concept lacks a hook of interest and needs more his brother in law and marital status arRead more
Best to try and take on board the previous comments by implementing them in the re drafts of the logline. Inject a clear goal motivated by an inciting incident with high stakes for the MC. Love story or not this concept lacks a hook of interest and needs more his brother in law and marital status are unrelated to the plot at hand and add unnecessary elements to the logline.
After falling in love with the wife of a notorious criminal a lonely shy courier must fight the criminal’s mob to save his loves life.
See lessThis is Jess. She IS a waitress. She is having an existential crisis, and the customers are NOT helping.
'A (adjective/s) waitress having an existential crisis ...' Also, I find 'existential crisis' a bit vague. Instead, how about telling us what triggers her crisis.
‘A (adjective/s) waitress having an existential crisis …’
Also, I find ‘existential crisis’ a bit vague. Instead, how about telling us what triggers her crisis.
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