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  1. Posted: July 5, 2015In: Public

    Mistaken as Earth’s leader, due to his popularity on social media, a washed up actor is abducted by aliens to help prove humanity is worth saving from imminent destruction.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 6, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    This essentially reads as a courtroom drama set in space. That was the hook for me not the character or how he got to be in space. As such I don't think the whole explanation of the MC being a popular social media figure needs to be included. The premise sounds as if it could have a lot of potentialRead more

    This essentially reads as a courtroom drama set in space. That was the hook for me not the character or how he got to be in space.

    As such I don’t think the whole explanation of the MC being a popular social media figure needs to be included.

    The premise sounds as if it could have a lot of potential but in my mind needs work. Perhaps best to research all the successful court room drama films you can think of and analyse their structure and archetypes. A Few Good Men, And Justice For All, The Rain Maker and Erin Brockovich come to mind.

    Looking at these it seams as if most of the action or the interesting action at least happened to the lawyers outside the court room.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: June 30, 2015In: Public

    When a 17 year-old does a work for the dole program at a Sydney Car Wash for a businessman, he becomes entangled into his shady world while his dreams of wrestling at the 2000 Olympic Games becomes more and more distant by the year. Note: This is a TV pilot.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 3, 2015 at 10:58 am

    This is not a goal for an episode nor for a season, "...one day wrestle at the Olympic Games?" is an ambition. This is because he is an amateur wrestler with no professional or competitive experience and the road to Olympic qualification is long. What specific goal does he need to achieve in episodeRead more

    This is not a goal for an episode nor for a season, “…one day wrestle at the Olympic Games?” is an ambition. This is because he is an amateur wrestler with no professional or competitive experience and the road to Olympic qualification is long.

    What specific goal does he need to achieve in episode one that will get him closer to achieving his ambition? Think of each episode as a stepping stone closer to achieving his ambition plot out the necessary milestones he needs to have reached/achieved before he makes it onto the Olympic team.

    Each one of these could be an episode specific goal.

    This is the writers job to come up with these goals and the plots to achieve them a few I can think of now are:
    To earn a specific amount of money to be able to afford a Gi.
    Or to get a membership in a local dojo?
    Perhaps he wants to prove himself to his dream Sensei.

    Then using a logline you can work on the structure of the pilot episode to achieve that specific goal.

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  3. Posted: June 29, 2015In: Public

    A dissociative identity disorder sufferer starts hunting a clandestine agency who, he believes, have artificially created his condition to hide a ruthless assassin within his own mind.

    Knightrider Mentor
    Added an answer on July 1, 2015 at 11:09 am

    I have thought about that, still juggling with the ending somewhat... as I do think there is a great message in confronting who you really are as opposed to pretending to be someone you are not. Also it could tie into the other element of can people change their natures anyhow, perhaps his fake idenRead more

    I have thought about that, still juggling with the ending somewhat… as I do think there is a great message in confronting who you really are as opposed to pretending to be someone you are not. Also it could tie into the other element of can people change their natures anyhow, perhaps his fake identity is starting to break down due to this very concept that you can only hold in you true self for so long either confront it or watch as your very own conflicted nature destroys you and everyone around you.

    Also thought maybe a merger of the two personas could work as an ending.

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