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Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.
I don't get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if she can't deliver the map? You are also using characters who are already established as good guys and baRead more
I don’t get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if she can’t deliver the map?
You are also using characters who are already established as good guys and bad guys. Are you subverting this? If so how? If not, why do we care if your hero wins?
See lessDriven to the edge of sanity, resigned to his fate, HUMPTIE de UMPTIE tries to commit suicide; when THE LITTLE LAMB arrives, hindering his every attempt to succeed.
I don't get a sense of how this story will sustain a feature-length film. It will suffer from being multiple versions of the same scene, Humptie attempting suicide and the Lamb stopping him.
I don’t get a sense of how this story will sustain a feature-length film. It will suffer from being multiple versions of the same scene, Humptie attempting suicide and the Lamb stopping him.
See lessAn Elizabethan do-gooder is framed for his father's murder and takes refuge with the most notorious thieves in England. When their leader is captured, he must choose: join them and return to the scene of the crime, or run away and remain an outlaw.
Hi Legend_of, the beginning of your logline sounds interesting but then the second part is quite puzzling. Your character seems to either way become a criminal so what is really at stake ? Who's the antagonist in your main character's journey ? Ok it'll sound cliche but creating a character that wouRead more
Hi Legend_of,
the beginning of your logline sounds interesting but then the second part is quite puzzling. Your character seems to either way become a criminal so what is really at stake ? Who’s the antagonist in your main character’s journey ?
Ok it’ll sound cliche but creating a character that would hold back the do-gooder from running away like for example the daughter of the thieves leader or maybe a younger sibling that needs his care and make him want to fight and find out the real murderer could make us see the character’s struggles and make stakes higher.
What would he gain from running away ? Finding support from family away and heal himself from the pain o his father’s passing, saving his life because his father’s murderer is on to kill him …
It sounds promising but things are missing to make it exciting and thrilling to look forward to watching it.
See less