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  1. Posted: June 28, 2014In: Public

    Before she dies, a terminally ill Irish banker, after keeping her 10-year-old daughter's birth a secret, must arrange for the young girl to meet her ex-baseball star/American father.

    Nordic12 Penpusher
    Added an answer on July 26, 2021 at 9:35 am

    I like it. I have one question, when you say "meet with the father", are you implying the child lives in Ireland and will have to move to the US and live with the father?

    I like it. I have one question, when you say “meet with the father”, are you implying the child lives in Ireland and will have to move to the US and live with the father?

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  2. Posted: July 9, 2014In: Public

    Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

    OKBoomer Penpusher
    Added an answer on July 16, 2021 at 9:11 pm

    I don't get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if she can't deliver the map? You are also using characters who are already established as good guys and baRead more

    I don’t get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if she can’t deliver the map?

    You are also using characters who are already established as good guys and bad guys. Are you subverting this? If so how? If not, why do we care if your hero wins?

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  3. Posted: July 9, 2014In: Public

    Driven to the edge of sanity, resigned to his fate, HUMPTIE de UMPTIE tries to commit suicide; when THE LITTLE LAMB arrives, hindering his every attempt to succeed.

    OKBoomer Penpusher
    Added an answer on July 16, 2021 at 8:57 pm

    I don't get a sense of how this story will sustain a feature-length film. It will suffer from being multiple versions of the same scene, Humptie attempting suicide and the Lamb stopping him.

    I don’t get a sense of how this story will sustain a feature-length film. It will suffer from being multiple versions of the same scene, Humptie attempting suicide and the Lamb stopping him.

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