3rd try after the appreciated feedback: A man must trace a Mesoamerican heirloom into Brazilian jungle to discover the truth behind his father’s death, and win his true love.
RussellNSamurai
3rd try after the appreciated feedback: A man must trace a Mesoamerican heirloom into Brazilian jungle to discover the truth behind his father’s death, and win his true love.
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How does one win the true love of their father after the guy’s already dead? Also, add the word “the” after into. Having a little trouble connecting the heirloom and the jungle with how or why it will explain this guy’s fathers death. Was he an adventurer?
Are you certain that you are mentioning a viable plot point here?
You should tell us in a couple words who the lead character is to give the reader a better mental picture of the charcter
A gruff store Santa
A nerdy Banker
A sleazy lawyer
A Converted Atheist
A cross dressing construction worker.
In your logline you just tell us he is a ‘man’ which just tells us gender which because of pronouns is almost never needed
Example: After he discovers an ancient relic a nerdy banker must…
Because I used the word ‘he’ we know the lead is a man and then I describe the lead as a nerdy banker which gives the reader a mental image in their mind.
Hope that helped.
How about adding an inciting incident which will match the action of the movie.
“After his explorer father is murdered, a sleazy lawyer must trace his only clue, a mysterious Brazilian relic, into the Amazon to discover who or what killed his father.”