3rd try after the appreciated feedback: A man must trace a Mesoamerican heirloom into Brazilian jungle to discover the truth behind his father’s death, and win his true love.
RussellNSamurai
3rd try after the appreciated feedback: A man must trace a Mesoamerican heirloom into Brazilian jungle to discover the truth behind his father’s death, and win his true love.
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How about adding an inciting incident which will match the action of the movie.
“After his explorer father is murdered, a sleazy lawyer must trace his only clue, a mysterious Brazilian relic, into the Amazon to discover who or what killed his father.”
You should tell us in a couple words who the lead character is to give the reader a better mental picture of the charcter
A gruff store Santa
A nerdy Banker
A sleazy lawyer
A Converted Atheist
A cross dressing construction worker.
In your logline you just tell us he is a ‘man’ which just tells us gender which because of pronouns is almost never needed
Example: After he discovers an ancient relic a nerdy banker must…
Because I used the word ‘he’ we know the lead is a man and then I describe the lead as a nerdy banker which gives the reader a mental image in their mind.
Hope that helped.
How does one win the true love of their father after the guy’s already dead? Also, add the word “the” after into. Having a little trouble connecting the heirloom and the jungle with how or why it will explain this guy’s fathers death. Was he an adventurer?
Are you certain that you are mentioning a viable plot point here?