A.T.H.E.N.A.
9 years after the sanguinary massacre of the royal family of demons, planned by the United States, Barbara, one of the two sisters who escaped the massacre, seeks revenge and is in search to find her 10 year old sister, who was later abducted by the government of the United States, because of her sister's godly black magic abilities that could be used to turn the United States into a worldwide empire and to resurrect Goddess Isis, of Babylon. 17 year old terrorist Barbara forces the son of the president of the United States to betray his own country and join her on the expedition to find her sister, which leads to the revelation of the grotesque plans the United States (Illuminati) has up its sleeve and the end of everything.
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There is an obvious problem with structure and logline conventions in the original post. Check out this page for help with lolgline conventions and basic structure:
https://loglines.org/howto/
For the next draft of the logline best to simplify the story to deal with less subject matter, one clear and objective outer journey goal and cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal.
Hope this helps.
“17 year old terrorist Barbara forces the son of the president of the United States to betray his own country and join her on the expedition to find her sister, which leads to the revelation of the grotesque plans the United States (Illuminati) has up its sleeve and the end of everything.” I am wondering if this is the logline…with some tweaking as phrases such as “up its sleeve” are too clich? for a logline…. Good luck.
This is more of a synopsis than a logline, a logline should one sentence and about 25-30 words long.
As for the idea, my first question is, why now? The bloody massacre happened nine years ago. Why didn’t ‘Barbara’ (Weird name for a Demon) get revenge then or after 5 years or after 6 years… Why now?
Once you know the “Why now” The logline should fall into place.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
A demon sets out to rescue her abducted sister and avenger the massacre of her people by the USA.
You can add a ticking clock as well
….before the government can launch a plan to end everything.
What you have it too long, yet not long enough to be a synopsis.